Knowing Who You Are
by Sasha-038
Summary: When Jenny Shepard is kidnapped and raped Jethro has to be there for her as a friend. Or something more?
1. It Begins

_**A/N: Wow I cannot believe I am finally posting this one! It has been in my head for a long time. I don't really have a song this one was based on but has anyone heard "I knew you were Trouble" by Taylor Swift, or seen the video. **__**I think part of this is a little of that.**_ Anyone see the NCIS episode last night? I thought the ending was really sweet with Tony and his dad. I really wish Jenny was there don't you? Hey any day now she'll be there! Keep hoping! Review if you want but 1 review is necessary for the next chapter! Review or follow! Enjoy.

Jenny Shepard walked to her car at around 11 feeling very pleased with her day. Abby had helped her decorate her house a little for her mother who was coming to visit soon. Do not get me wrong, Jenny's house was neat, but her mother always seemed to find something. Jenny was determined this year would be the year her mother had nothing to say but compliments.

On the other side her day hadn't gone as well as planned. The director of secret service could be an annoyance. He was complaining to the secretary of the navy it was

"terribly awful to hear of a female director, for safety reasons."

He went on and on about how the safety of the team was at risk and her safety was at risk. At one point she asked Mr. Secretary to leave the room for a moment. He flashed her a grin and left the director to deal with him. He knew Jenny was a good director, and the could not find anyone better.

"I know what you are going to say director.." he began but Jenny cut him off.

"No I'm afraid you don't director because if you did you would be gone. I understand your need for concern but my personal life and my job has never interfered with you" she had said her words flowing.

At times Jenny was good with her fists. At other times she used words so well, you'd swear it was rehearsed.

"I am not fully convinced you can care for your team mam" he said.

Gibbs came in the room at the best time.

"I would DIE before anyone lay a finger on one of my people." she snapped

Gibbs lowered his eyebrows. Bad timing he thought to himself.

"Jen do you have the files on the-" he began but the director of secret service got snappy again.

"Jen? God what did you do sleep your way up the latter?"

And with that Jenny went off. At first mild yelling, then some cursing. Even Gibbs seemed surprised with her reaction. She finally ended the conversation with

"if all you ever think when you here the word women director you think of sex I can tell you now you are going to live a lonely life. I can also reassure you that if you EVER try to contact me again i will sue you for sexual harassment and stalking. Are we perfectly clear?" she asked.

Frowning the man cut if his link to her. Gibbs smiled at her anger thinking she looked cute when she was angry. She sighed and rolled her eyes. Some men were just flat-out rude and disrespectful. Either way it just made a really good day into an okay one in a matter of minutes. She drank some of his coffee as he explained what he found on the case. She pretended to be listening when really she watched him. Slight body movements. She flashed back to Paris at times.

He smirked when he had noticed her eyes were in a faraway place. Yet her mind was no longer on Paris. He saw her facial expression go from peaceful to confused. He wanted to act like he didn't notice, but he was sure this was really bothering her now.

"Jen?" He asked partially curious and partially frightened by whatever it was she was thinking of.

It took her a second to realize he had called her name. "Yes?" she said about 15 seconds later.

"Care to share" he asked. She shrugged.

Back in Paris she would have told him anything. But now she seemed distant. Even though Paris had been a while ago, he expected Jenny to tell him things.

"Just thinking of the director" she said. Obviously she was confused about something.

She stared at him. "Can I ask you a stupid question".

He smirked "I thought you were the boss"

She glared at him. Then her glare softened. "Did I... sleep my way up the latter?" she asked.

"Naw Jen he's playing with you. He knows you are a better director AND you have a better sex life." She smiled.

He began to walk out of the room when she lifted up his coffee. "Jethro you forgot-" she started holding up his coffee.

"Keep it" he said.

* * *

Now walking to her car she smiled. She opened the door and got inside screaming when she saw a figure the side seat. He slid a firm hand over her mouth silencing her screams as he held a gun to her head. "Shh" he said. She struggled to get away at first until he threatened to pull the trigger.

"Drive" he said. "and if anyone asks you are my wife."

She stared at him not only in panic, but with anger too as she began to drive, waving to Jethro as he walked by.


	2. Team Pain

She woke up in a bed.

The problem was it was not _**her**_ bed.

She could not remember much about the previous night. She wondered where she was. How drunk she might have gotten to go over someone's house. Looking beside her she noticed she was alone.

She went to brush a stand of hair from her face but noticed she could not move her arms at all. Then it all came back. Leaving work, driving, getting tied up. The rape, how painful it was and how she attempted to struggle. How she tried to pretend it was somebody else. Somebody gentle and calm. But it was hard to do so when she saw him and hurt to his touch.

* * *

Jethro Gibbs looked at Kate Todd and then to Tony DiNozzo. They were both consumed with paperwork. Special Agent McGee was struggling to remove a killer virus Abby had bet him he couldn't remove. He mumbled different things as he went along. Gibbs eyes then moved off of McGee over to the mossad officer Ziva David. After Ari had attempted to kill Kate and him, Ziva ended her brother's life. Jenny liked her as a friend and as an agent and assigned her to NCIS.

Tony was trapped between two women, although Gibbs was pretty sure he thought of Kate as a little sister. He thought of the four of them to be his children. Ziva was carefully cleaning her weapons and sharpening her knives. Her eyes darted at every movement. Ziva was dangerous-yes but easy to trust.

On the other hand Kate was different. She wasn't nearly as scary as Ziva. She was more casual. She enjoyed "girl talk" and drawing. She could be a bad A when she wanted to but she was more relaxed. At last Kate sighed and looked up from her assignment.

"Has anyone seen the director today" she asked.

She was beginning to worry about Jenny's where bouts. Tony shook his head and McGee ignored the question completely. Ziva however took much interest.

"Has she ever been this late before Gibbs?" she asked. Gibbs shook his head. Kate and Ziva flashed each other another look before deciding what to do.

"I'll call her" Ziva said grabbing her cell phone.

Kate nodded.

After a few rings she heard Ziva leave a message.

"I'll try" Kate said becoming more nervous by the second. She might not be a mossad spy like Ziva but both women could tell when something was wrong. Especially with another woman. Kate frowned when she heard the voice mail chick. She left a short message and hung up.

"This isn't normal Gibbs. She's not picking up" Kate said.

He held up his finger letting them know to wait a moment as he took out his own cell phone .

"Hey Stan did you ride Jen to work this morning?" he asked.

"No sir. Shepard never came home last night. I figured she just got lucky. Is she not in work today?

Gibbs hung up and immediately called Jenny.

"hello? Jethro?" came a weak,scared voice.

"Hey Jen" he said calmly. "need a ride to work?"

He heard her begin to cry into the phone. It was a silenced cry that she was attempting to hide.

"I need a few agents. I am at a crime scene" she said. He motioned to McGee to track her cellphone.

He nodded. "Where are you Jen?" Silence.

"Jen? Jenny?.. hey Jen!?" he called through.

She replied shortly. "I am at 1256 lander hood road." she said and hung up.

Gibbs nodded to Kate and Ziva and Tony as they all stood up. "She is at a crime scene" he said. Right as he did so he got a text message.

'Jethro' it read. 'An agency director was raped and nearly killed along with 3 civilians. Susana Finley, Liza Tamui, and Brea Lynn. The director survived and is in her way to the hospital to take a rape test. I will call u later. Tell Ziva 'Ha-isha sovelet mike'evim.'. ttyl.'

Gibbs stared at the last word.

"what is a tutle? he said attempting to pronounce the word typed.

"how is it spelled" Kate asked.

"t-t-y-l" he spelled.

Ziva and Kate flashed each other a grin. Tony bit his lip to keel from laughing. "it's an acronym boss it means talk to you later." McGee explained.

He attempted to pronounce the Hebrew to Ziva but was so unsuccessful she ended up reading it herself.

"woman in pain" she said.

They all stared at each other as the story slowly fell in place.

_**A/N: I got a wonderful review from a guest which I really appreciated. Many people followed which means I must be doing ok. I think the song for this one is "Wish you were here" by Avril Lavigne. Praying for Sandy Hook Elementary School. 2 reviews required for the next one.**_


	3. What If?

They all stared at each other fear in their eyes as the story fell in place. Tony went to speak but for once he had nothing to say. Kate's eyes watered and McGee stopped whatever it was he was doing. Ziva's face hardened.

"She could be talking about someone else" Tony said attempting to put a new look on things.

But they all knew.

Finally McGee got a hit on her location.

"Mercy Hospital Boss" he said.

Gibbs rubbed his hand on his forehead and then dropped it on the desk.

"McGee i want information on the other victims. Kate, Ziva I want you to go to the crime scene. Get any information you can."

Both women nodded and grabbed their items to leave.

"DiNozzo ask Cynthia for the director's plans last night." he said.

Tony nodded. "Can she know?"

"Only if necessary. When you're done tell Ducky, tell Abby. No one else knows are we clear?"

Tony nodded and left.

* * *

Jenny Shepard stared ahead at the nurse. She looked nice for a casual day. The nurse's hair curly, wrapping around her neck in a thick braid that curled to one side of her head. Her hair was a blondish yellow sort of color. Her eyes were hazel. She was writing something down on a sheet of paper. The silence was becoming more awkward than it was expected to be.

"So?" Jenny asked at last. the nurse sighed.

"I told you mam this isn't a pregnancy test. It will be a few hours" she said still looking down.

At the times like this Jenny wished she had her weapon.

"Can I go home?" she asked.

The nurse shook her head.

"We need you here in case we need more tests done"

"I have a phone"

"nice to hear."

Jenny rolled her eyes and rolled her feet over the side of the bed. She stood up and tried to walk away. The nurse grabbed her arm.

"Mam you have to-"

"Stop calling me mam and stop telling me what I have to do. If I want to go home you can not stop me."

Another male doctor came in and saw the struggle between the nurse and the patient. Jenny hit him in the abdomen. The nurse finally got a good grip of her arms and held them up above her head. Just as she did so the doctor pushed her down onto the hospital bed. A flashback of the rape popped into her mind. It was so... real. She could not move her hands, she was in pain. In about an instant she was crying as Jethro came into the room ready to fight.

He grabbed the doctor off her and nearly hit him, but the man put both of his hands up.

The nurse then let go of Jenny's hands, but obviously it was too late. Her mind as somewhere else.

Not knowing what to do he tried to comfort her with words rather than with touch. He whispered short verses to her about how she was safe, at the hospital. He brought up peaceful, but not sexual moments in Paris. He was careful of what he said because at anything she could crack.

At last her breathing slowed to a normal pace.

She opened her eyes.

Seeing the doctor and the nurse with their hands in the air, she was left to assume what had happened.

"Special agent Gibbs" she began.

The doctor and nurse quickly left the room frowning.

Gibbs noticed she was using her director tone of voice. There had always been to sides of Jen. One was more open-hearted and light. The other was hard as a rock hard and independent. In director mode she would always win, even when she was wrong. So when he heard his name "Special agent Gibbs" he knew she wasn't going to be open to him.

"Cut the crap Jen" he said. Part of him right now, was angry. He did not attempt to hide it.

"This isn't crap Agent Gibbs, this is my job and my life" she snapped. "I want to go to work or go home. I hate hospitals"

"Yeah Jen I know, so do i"he said calmly hoping he could shift her mood.

"When can I leave?"

"Depends on the time the tests take"

"D*** what's taking so long?"she asked even though she was pretty sure he had no idea.

"Well geez Jen it's not a-"he started

"pregnancy test yeah I got it."she said cutting him off. She'd heard **_that_** statement before.

She froze and both hands went to her stomach. "God Jethro what if I'm pregnant?" she mumbled hardly loud enough for him to hear.

He could answer a lot of things, or say something back to any statement, but for once Leroy Jethro Gibbs was speechless.

**A/N: I have gotten some amazing reviews, a few rough ones that will help me better my writing. You guys are really the coolest! This chapter is based on Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger". Review, if you'd like and have a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY! 143!**

**-Sasha  
**


	4. Too Fast, Too Much

_1 day later_

There she was in her car driving away until she made it to the house. There she was tied to the bed as she attempted to fight back but her attempts were not worth anything. She hoped that he would stop or just be a little more gentle. She tried to think of it as somebody else but couldn't because of how much it hurt. She tugged at the ropes, tears burning in her eyes. Finally she started screaming for help. Solid screams of terror leaving her mouth, before he silenced her putting a firm hand on her mouth and a gun to her head.

Her eyes opened as she noticed her hands were not tied, and she was alone in her own bed. But still she couldn't sleep and she couldn't close her eyes. She did not want to go back there even if she knew it wasn't real.

She picked up her phone and attempted to dial a number but she couldn't think of whom to call. Ziva was a very close friend but wasn't the most comforting person in the world. Kate was a good friend as well but she was supposed to visit her sister tonight and was most likely still there. She forced herself to dial his number.

"Yeah Gibbs" he said his usual pick up.

She couldn't bring herself to speak.

"Jen? Jenny?" he asked.

Her mouth moved to tell him she was ok but nothing came out.

"I'm on my way Jen. Don't hang up"

And then it hit her she must be in shock from how real the dream was. She was going to have to force herself to speak.

"No Jethro I'm- I'm fine" she said at last.

She heard him sigh in relief over the phone.

"Just a bad dream"

"How bad?"

With no answer he decided it best to talk about something else.

He talked with her until about 3 AM when he heard her breathing become heavy and her talking slur. Eventually she fell asleep, but he chose to keep the phone on just in case she needed him again.

_The next morning_

_"_Where do you think she is?" A very curious agent DiNozzo asked his co-workers.

"You thought she was coming into work today? Come on Tony where else would she be? She's at home" Kate said rolling her eyes at him.

"Well I don't know KATIE. Director's hard as a rock. She's a big girl she can take care of this herself."

"Tell 'im McGee" Kate said.

"I hate to break it to you Tony but she probably won't come in today" The probationary agent contributed to the conversation.

"Actually she's upstairs" Mossad officer Ziva David said.

"Actually she's right here" Jenny said walking into the room.

"We were just talking about the show that came on last night. It was a cliff hanger and we don't know where Bella is and we were thinking she was not coming to the next movie but Ziva thinks she's in the attic of the apartment." Tony tried to cover but it failed miserably.

Gibbs walked into the room before any awkward moments would occur between the five of them. Seeing Jenny he walked up to her. "What are you doing at work?" he asked.

"Working" she replied.

"Jen-"

"Don't pull that crap with me Jethro I'm fine. Really I am" she said and walked off before he could say more.

The team pretended to be busy with paper work and not paying attention to the argument between the boss and the bosses boss which would always be interesting to watch.

He barely managed to get into the elevator with her as the doors closed. She was folding a bunch of files in her hands along with some flowers from NCIS agents who knew what happened to her. Some of them were lovely roses which must have been very expensive. It showed how NCIS would support each other. It partially showed how they would join together to catch the idiot who would do this.

Because you don't mess with NCIS.

"You need to go home" he said.

"Jethro I can't. I'll be bored as h*** sitting at home and... and it's safer here. I feel safer here."

"Jen-" he said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

A flashback popped into her head. She screamed dropping the papers and flowers on the ground. Coming back to reality she just didn't want it to be true. She stepped on the lovely roses with her heel crushing them completely.

She looked back at him and saw his eyes showed hurt, confusion, and just plain fear. Fear of losing the woman he knew. Fear of what would happen to her. And fear of what she would do next.

"I can't believe I just did that" she said staring at the flowers on the ground. "What am I doing?" she said more to herself then to him. He thought it best not to answer her as he saw her green eyes water.

He sat down in the tight space and told her to sit down as well, more of a request then a demand. She took a deep breath and sat down away from him though. Seeing her separation he felt hurt even though he knew he shouldn't.

"Jen you need to go home" he said once again.

This time she nodded in agreement.

They sat there for hours just thinking things through and knowing this was going to be difficult for both of them.

**A/N: I am LOVING the reviews from everyone! It is only an hour from 2013! Hope you have a wonderful New Year! This song is based on "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift. The song doesn't really relate to the chapter but it's pretty so... PLEASE REVIEW if you wanna and I WILL REPLY! Write more next year! LOL sounds weird right? 143! (which means i love you by the way for those who are confused) **

**-Sasha  
**


	5. Therapy

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat in a cold dark office. The place was nice, bright yellow walls with zebra accessories. The heat was turned up to about 75 degrees. It wasn't really the room that was dark and cold. It was more of the feeling that came with it. Crying men and women, some pregnant some not sat in the different chairs.

A feminine voice called his name, and he stood up to talk to that woman. She was black with dark, short curly hair. Her name tag named her Amani. "You must be Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Got a name I can call you?" she asked. It wasn't a flirty way of asking, defiantly professional.

"Gibbs" he said.

"you here for you or someone else?" she asked.

"Someone else."

"Wife, girlfriend, friend, buddy or enemy?"

"co-worker"

"Sorry to ask but you ever sleep with this co-worker?" she asked. He almost had the nerve just to walk out but he knew what he had to do and who he had to do it for.

"Yeah"

"Okay I got someone just for you. You wait and see. Our doctors here are top-notch. You ain't gettin' nothin' better then this. Her name is Abigail Chaffee. Room 120."

Without another word he went off to find the room he was directed to. A woman sat behind a desk in a bright red room. She was certainly beautiful. She had curly brunette hair and a clear face.

"have a seat" she said.

He did so sitting in a chair across from the desk.

"Can you explain to me why you are here. Please include your name and other information. I am making a personal profile of you."

"Don't need to. I'm not here for me."

"Please sir may I have your name?"

"Gibbs"

"And who are you here for?"

"Rape victim"

She stood up. "You aren't comfortable sharing this information with me are you Gibbs?"

Silence.

"Fine then I will do the talking. For you all I need are yes or no answers. Was she raped this month?"

"Yes"

"This week?"

"Yes"

"Is her behavior different?"

"Yeah a little. Why are we doing this?"

The woman smiled. "I am going to tell you the truth Gibbs. This is going to be harder on her then it is on you. Answering just simple yes or no questions will hurt her more than you can imagine. I am going to get what I can out of you first. Whatever I have left goes to her."

An eerie silence crept into the room again.

"How is she acting different?"

"She's having flashbacks, nightmares. She doesn't want to be at home or alone for that matter. She hates closing her eyes. She hates any touching or any 'get well soon' crap."

"Most rape victims are going to have flashbacks and are going to have nightmares. It is better to talk about it as soon as it happens then to pretend like it didn't happen. The 'get well soon crap' reminds her of things. Touching triggers flashbacks. I would recommend bringing her in. Is there anything else I should know?"

"She thinks she might be pregnant."

"And her name is?"

"Jenny."

* * *

_At NCIS, same day._

There he was again wondering where someone was. This time however it was Gibbs rather than Jenny. Ziva sat down trying to do paper work. The constant yapping of her co-worker made it hard to focus.

Kate was on the phone with someone who was annoying her even more than Tony. Whatever she was doing must be important.

McGee had his nose stuck in the computer which wasn't unusual for the probie who was called McGee due to his love for computers.

Kate finally hung up the phone and stood up to speak.

"That was Bryan Zimpsy with the FBI. The other rape victim who was rushed to the hospital was announced dead at the hospital. Suicide."

There was a short moment of silence until Ziva managed to come up with something to say.

"What about the other girls?"

"They were dead at the scene" McGee said.

"Well that means Director Shepard is the only one left to identify him" Kate said.

They looked at each other for a while and then Gibbs walked in.

"Umm hey boss we got an issue." Tony said.

Gibbs paid him no attention as he went off.

"Tell Kate she's in charge" he said. Tony looked insulted.

Gibbs rushed into the directors office while she was on the phone.

"Yes. Mhm I understand. I am going to have to put you on hold sir I have a meeting now. Tomorrow? Yes that's fine. No I'm fine. Thank you." she said hanging up the phone.

"Any news on the case?" she asked.

"Don't know Jen I just got here... Did you know rape victims heal better with therapy?" he said.

A mix of anger and fear mixed into her eyes.

"You didn't" she said strictly folding her arms across her chest, standing up.

"Her name is Abigail, Jen. She's a lot like you."

She looked as if she was going to cry. "I do not want any therapy Jethro especially not with some stranger."

"I will be there if you need me" he said in a comforting voice.

"D*** it Jethro i don't want your support or your... help I just want to be left alone!" she screamed probably loud enough for the agency to hear. Noticing she was yelling she froze tears strolling down her cheeks. "What am I doing?" she asked.

Quickly she wiped the tears away. "I appreciate the help Jethro, I really do, but I don't want this. Cancel it"

"no"

"that's an order."

Her being boss was going to be harder than he thought. "Please Jen give it a week."

She wanted to scream or maybe just disappear and melt into a puddle. "Fine." she said giving in. "A week" she said.

A/N: Sorry I have to do this but I tried it the other way and it didn't work out, so 3 reviews required for the next chapter. I hope this chapter is ok because I really didn't know what to do with it, but I needed a hold up chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review if you are enjoying, and don't forget 143!

-SASHA


	6. Only More Pain

The next day he was sitting back in the bright colored room with Jenny sitting next to him. Abigail came inti the room and sat down.

"You must be Jenny" she said reaching a hand out.

Jenny took it and shook it no problem with the contact.

"I apologize to ask but how long has it been?"

Taking in a deep breath she thought back. "5 days i think?" she said.

"Ok for now i will talk to the two of you together. Soon it will be separate. My name is Abigail. I am a rape victim from DC. Since then I have been a therapist helping other rape victims get through the trauma easier. I have a wonderful sister named Anne who has helped me get where I am now. Now I am a human, and i will make mistakes and yes, sometimes you may hate me for what I say or ask, but nothing i tell you is going to make this any worse."

Both of them nodded not sure what to say.

Abigail sighed and grabbed out a book. "Ok Jenny how do you feel about this?"

Looking at Jethro she smirked. "I can't confide my feelings with him sitting right there"

"And why is that? Do you feel uncomfortable because he is male?"

She shook her head. It was not that he was male that urked her, it was that he was well... Gibbs.

Abigail smiled a little. "Is it because you slept with him in the last life?"

Jenny glared at him. How dare he tell a stranger that they had done... well... that. Secretly she wondered what else he shared with Abigail.

She bit her bottom lip. "no" she said dully.

Standing up she paced around the room a little. "I can't... I don't want to do this. I am sorry" she said beginning to walk out of the room. Gibbs got up as well chasing her out.

"Jen you said you'd give it a week" he said.

"I don't need a d*** week Jethro. I've thought about it." she said continuing to walk.

"Jen... hey Jen! listen, listen to me. DiNozzo told me yesterday the other victim killed herself yesterday. The man who did this. I want him skinned Jen. You are the only one who can identify him now. You will need this."

With tears in her eyes she pulled away from his stare and continued to walk. She could not arrange her thoughts of what she was going to do. Seeing her storm off he went back to see Abigail. She was behind her desk, as usual, and looked up at him.

"You cannot make up her mind for her. Some people really don't need therapy. May i share with you what I collected?"

He sat down.

"She is definitely afraid of talking about the subject of sex which isn't unusual. She likes your presence around her but she doesn't want you to do this because of the situation. When she didn't want to share her feelings it wasn't because of you. You were her only excuse to not share with me. On the outside she is going to act like she is ok and she doesn't need this. She is afraid you will make her do this. Just ask as a friend what she thinks she needs. Bring up therapy once and a while, but don't over stretch it." she inhaled as he exhaled a breath he didn't notice he was holding until she stopped talking.

"I would like her away from work for a while if that is a possibility. She is stressed as it is. I cannot give you the rules but if you can try it would help. And a hint of advise. Be careful"

He nodded not knowing what else to do, and stepped out of the room not sure what to do now. He had to admit the therapist had a good profile of Jenny and what she was going through. It was just different without knowing there was a solution to this. He picked up his cell phone and gave her a call.

"Shepard" she answered.

"Hey Jen. I just got done speaking with Abigail. You don't need the therapy" he said partially lying.

She sighed. "Why are you doing this Jethro? I am fine. As long as I am here at work I feel better."

"You are taking a week off starting tomorrow Jen"

"no"

"Yeah"

"Jethro I know you think I cant do this but... I need to. It is the only way I am not alone."

"Hey I ll be there too, if you need me."

She took another deep breath. "Ok"

They said their goodbyes and hung up leaving each other in the mystery of what was going to happen next, to either and to both of them.

"Ok" she said to herself again blinking off a few tears that were clouding her eyes.

* * *

There she was- again in the car. The feeling that she knew she was asleep but couldn't wake up. She struggled to awaken but found it of no use. Turning over hoping to see the man's face was worthless as well. All there was was a figure of a man. The face however was a black pit of nothing. No hair, no skin. Just a black bubble sitting where the head should be.

Knowing her eyes didn't have to be on the road she kept her eyes on him. Looking for some sort of detail. The clothes he was wearing were clothes any man could have. A blue t-shirt with ripped jeans. Even though she saw from his face below she wasn't sure if what she saw was real or not. For example was the man wearing blue, or was it just part of her creation?

There she was tied on the bed. Praying. Praying for somebody to wake her up from this nightmare. She closed her eyes and opened them only seeing the faceless figure on top of her naked body. Then she saw it. A little tatoo which had a dragon circling an infinity sign. She attempted to find more, but was in pain as her raped her for the first time.

Waking up she shuddered. Thankfully it was before too much violence, and enough to give her something to report. Reaching for her cell phone she struggled once again on who to call. She trusted Jethro, with her life, but panicked he would over react on the dream. Eventually she tried to call Ziva. The Mossad officer didn't answer her phone.

Next she tried Kate. No answer. Without anymore hesitation she called Jethro.

"Just about to call you." he answered.

"Really?" she replied.

"Kate's in the hospital"

"What happened?" she asked switching to full director mode.

"You first" he said sensing there was a reason she called him.

She took a deep breath.

**A/N: This is a little special since I wanted 3 reviews and only got 2 :(. However it is NCIS night! Only 10 minutes! Please review. 3 reviews are required for the next one. NO EXCEPTIONS! Based on Missy Higgins "Where I Stood". Lovely.**

**NEXT CHAPTER**

**IS JENNY PREGNANT?**

**WILL KATE SURVIVE?**

**MORE CLUES?**

**ABIGAIL?  
**

**Review to see! 143!  
**

**-Sasha  
**


	7. A Little Explanation

She explained her dream making sure to mention she woke up before anything too bad went on. He listened without speaking. He hoped what she was saying was true. For all he knew her dream could've been awful, and the memory could've been her mind trying to make the dream go away, or at least make it easier to get through.

When she finished she waited for him to speak.

"How bad was the dream Jen?" he said at last. She rolled her eyes and exhaled a breath she must have been holding.

"Not as bad as you might expect it to be." She said. Smiling she added "Of course it wasn't full of unicorns and princesses"

He smirked.

At the exact same moment Naomi must have dropped a dish because there was a loud noise causing Jenny to jump and scream loosing her grip of the phone. When she regained herself she picked up the phone. "I'm fine Jethro. I think Naomi decided she likes to scare the h*** out of me while I am on the phone. Now what happened with Kate?"

He explained that she had been on protection duty with a FBI agent. The murderer used a shot-gun to take out the FBI agent. The witness and Kate were rushed to the hospital. The witness died in surgery. Kate lost too much blood and her heart wasn't strong enough to take her into surgery. Tony is there now with Abby. They've known her longest and they're really worried is how he finished.

"What did the doctor say?" Jenny asked.

"I didn't tell the team but doctor said her chances are slight."

"I'll meet you at NCIS unless you are visiting her as well. If she dies or... even if she doesn't, i want this ba*tard tossed down the drain. I'll call McGee and Ziva."

"No."

"NO?" she nearly shouted.

"Jen... you know da*n well I don't want you in the office."

"It isn't about you Jethro it's about her. I am going to do what I need to do."

"I'm on my way to the hospital. So are Ziva and McGee. I can pick you up if you wanna go."

His compromise worked on her and she rolled her eyes once again knowing he had just taken full advantage of her actions. "Yes. But this isn't finished yet."

He hung up.

Only minutes later he arrived at her house and she came outside, getting into his car. Her hair was loose, which he liked. Red curls on her shoulders, dangling down her back. He saw a hair thingy on her wrist and secretly hoped she wouldn't put her hair up.

Her eyes had dark marks under them. Obviously she had not slept well. She stared at him as well. Once upon a time a "drive by the house to see you" or "A talk" would immediately lead to the bedroom. But even if they were together right now she could hardly be in bed by herself without flashbacks.

Finally he turned away starting up the car.

They drove to the hospital in silence scared of what the other person was going to say.

Before they knew it they were in the waiting room with Tony, Abby, McGee, Ziva, and Ducky. Kate was supposed to go into surgery only an hour ago. Yet the feeling that came with waiting was almost unbearable.

"I don't think Kate would want us upset. You know if she's not ok. So tomorrow either way this... whole thing plays out, I was wondering if you guys wanted to go to see a movie. Kate and I were supposed to see something in theaters so..." Abby said. Usually in hard times Abby was crying. She seemed different now, maybe the reality she could lose her best friend was all to real for her.

McGee agreed right away. He usually listened to Abby however in grief or hurt or happiness he knew he had to be there. Especially since Abby was very emotional. Ziva said she had plans with her father, so she would take a rain check.

Nervous about the scenes of the movie Jenny asked what it was. The movie was a horror movie, not romance. Gibbs looked at her badly not sure himself if she could stand a movie. What if it had scenes that took her back to what she had been through? What if Kate died? It was a risk everyone had to take, except she was the only one who had been raped.

Seeing the mean look from Gibbs she chose to point it out. "If I am allowed to go... then I would love to." she said. Abby smiled. "What about you Gibbs? If mommy is going, shouldn't daddy go?"

Eventually the three of them convinced Gibbs into going. More so Jenny warning him if she broke into crazy mode she would like him to be there. However she said it soft enough only he heard. She didn't want to worry Abby.

When they asked Tony he seemed like he was soulless. At first he couldn't speak. When he eventually did he said it so quietly it brought pain to all of the hearts around. Kate was his friend, more so his little sister. Things he would never tell her...

"I uh... gotta dinner date tomorrow" he lied. "I'll see what I can do."

About three hours later a doctor came out blood on him. Almost everybody stood up, but Tony stood up fastest. The doctor sat down, and then everybody sat down, eager to hear what was going on.

"We did everything we could... but she's not ready for surgery. The bullet and wounds are only going to cause more damage internally. We were unable to contact her sister, however we need a family choice. We can take her into surgery or wait." the doctor explained.

They all nodded. "Wait" Tony said at last and they all agreed. Even the doctor seemed satisfied with the decision. "Anything I can do for you guys?"

They all shook their heads except Jenny. "May I please take a blood test?"

Jethro stared at her. He knew why she was taking this test. Pregnancy. The doctor nodded and let them into a room where a kind nurse took blood. Eventually results came back.

And they showed that Jenny was...

A/N: Sorry for the hold up. I know this chapter was a little Tate-ish but it will become more jibbs very very soon. Sorry for the cliff hanger. By the way! If any of you hate WBC church go online to . . If you are a member of WBC this isn't meant to offend you, but the website is because I really really dislike what you are putting America through. Thank you for all my reviewers! I love you guys. RIP Jackie Vance and Eli David. For anyone who saw that episode who cried when Ziva screamed "Abba" when she saw his body! I know I did! Only 2 reviews required for the next chapter since it wasn't very jibbsy. More Jibbs next time, I promise. 143!

-Sasha

And YOLO so Make it Count!


	8. A Lil' Surprise

It was a little explosion inside of her. Jerking of terror and yet a pinch of excitement at the exact same moment. With two sets of eyes staring at her, her mouth became dry. Yet, if she could speak what would she say? Or more importantly what would she do?

She was pregnant. She had imagined this day many years ago, many times. She used to tell her father she would grow up and have 100s of children. Then she had the thought again back with Jethro in Paris. Either way she never thought of a time she would be pregnant and very unhappy. Everything was a blur. At one point the nurse had left the room, but Jenny didn't notice until Jethro asked the only question she had no answer to.

"What are you gonna do Jen?" he asked.

She had no answer so kept her lips tightly closed. He stared at her; the famous Gibbs stare)

Then she mumbled "I just need some time to think."

He could tell she was confused and hurt. Probably scared as well. But as if nothing had happened she walked back into the room with the team.

"Are you ok director?" McGee asked.

Smiling she nodded. "I'm fine thank you. However... rain-check on the movie?"

Abby pouted but nodded. The whole team slept there that night. Whether or not Kate would survive was becoming more suspenseful than they ever thought possible. Especially since they had made the choice that could end her life _There she was again. Same clothes same bed. Same man. Except he had no face. Same scratching and strength. Same amount of pain and anger. She tried to focus on the details but it hurt so much. She couldn't breathe as he raped her again. She tried to fight but it was impossible. Impossible to fight. _

___But how could it be so impossible? There had to be a way. A way somebody somewhere could hear her screams. Someway somebody would help her. She tried to bite him, but the pain was too... well painful. She had to run. She couldn't fight. Weakness and shadows flew through her body. Nobody to help her. She could feel the tears as he got off of her. He killed a woman who screamed in pain and also, in anger. _

"Director" she heard a voice. The voice was feminine so it really scare her. Suddenly she could hear the slight accent in the voice that had just awoken her. She sat up, the Israeli eying her, every move very closely like a hawk over quick-moving pray.

"What time is it?" she asked searching for a clock.

"0230" Ziva said.

"You are not asleep yet?"

Ziva smiled although it seemed kind of fake, as if she didn't want to talk about a happy topic. "When I was a young girl my father taught me something worth learning. He said never sleep where there is another human and a weapon."

Jenny as well smiled imagining a young version of Ziva staying up late at slumber parties and hospitals. "Abba also taught me how to tell when there is something wrong with a loved one or a close friend. I saw you asleep Jenny."

"I'm fine" Jenny insisted causing Ziva to give her a 'Gibbs stare'.

"I do not expect you to be fine. If I was raped I wouldn't talk to anyone except a good friend of mine. His name is Shmeil. I tell him everything. You might want to find someone." Jenny's eyes darted to Jethro and as well did Ziva's. "Maybe you already have" she added.

Until 0700 when people began to awaken the two women talked. Only 2 hours Jenny told Ziva of her pregnancy. She had always trusted Ziva, however in those couple of hours she noticed what a good friend she was willing to be.

When Jethro awoke and saw Jenny was up he worried. Eventually he and Ziva convinced her to go back to sleep. Even though it was breaking her father's rule Ziva figured she might as well sleep. However peeking through her eyelids she saw Gibbs rub Jenny's hand as she mumbled something in her sleep. Smiling a very worn Ziva fell asleep.

But even with the love of her friends, and everyone else willing to support her, there was still a criminal on the loose. Raping and murdering other women, even those who are completely innocent. Virgins or women in power is what he wanted.

And at the moment, there was no way she could stop him.

**A/N: You guys are really the best! Even though the last chapter wasn't really that jibbs like, I got fantastic reviews. This chapter puts a whole new twist on the story. Right now we all have to admit it isn't the best story, however I think it will get a LOT better in the next few chapters. 3 reviews for the next one! Also I am writing a new story called A little less of Paris, which will be up soon!**

**~Sasha  
**


	9. Not Working

Everyone dressed up for the movie, everyone dressed up for Kate. She was going into surgery today. Abby wore her hair in short pigtails, in a skull dress, decked up with a black choker, and pink lipstick. Ziva wore a red dress, with her hair loose and curly. She had very little make-up on. You could tell the Israeli didn't like to dress up. Jenny wore a green dress, and let her hair fall loose. She had make-up on, but not as much as Abby, and not as little as Ziva.

All three men wore tuxedos. Each one with a tie, except Ducky of course, who had a bow-tie.

"You sure about this?" Gibbs asked Jenny pretty quietly.

She elbowed him, but not painfully. "I don't need a baby-sitter Jethro, I'm a big girl now"

She smiled and he smirked. Even though they didn't realize it the whole team seemed to smile because of what a cute couple they would make.

"Like your dress Ziva" Tony said winking.

Ziva got very close and whispered in his ear. "Perfect dress for no one to notice your blood stains, don't you think?" He looked at the dress again realizing it was kind of the color of blood. He gulped.

They got tickets and went inside. But only half way through the movie he could see the uneasy look on her face. She didn't say anything, and when they met eyes she looked away. One time she mouthed 'I'm fine' to him. He didn't believe her one bit but he looked away when Ziva spotted him staring at Jenny, and she began to worry herself.

And then there it was. The moment all three of them were afraid to see. It was a small make-out scene, however they worried. Jenny stood up and quickly left the theater. Abby flashed a look at Gibbs. Ziva stood up. "I got it" Gibbs said. A man in front of them turned around and told them to shut up. Abby slapped the back of his head.

Rushing out of the theater Gibbs looked around for Jenny. But she was gone. He saw a young girl maybe three or four. It was a leap of faith that she saw jenny, but little kids seem to notice things. He leaned over towards her.

"You seen a red-head 'round here?" he asked.

She smiled. "Me saw red in green dress. Santa Claus color!" she said.

Red head in green dress. That had to be Jenny. "Yeah? Where'd she go?"

"potty" the girl said.

Bathroom. Got it. "Thank-you"

Without another word she ran off somewhere. So did he.

He could smell it as soon as he came into the room. The pure smell of vomit. He walked in the stall she didn't close and helped her pull her hair back. Both of her hands her around the rim of the toilet as she threw up again.

She threw up one last time before flushing the toilet. She went over to the sink and jumped at her own reflection. She looked a mess. Her make up was all over her face, her mouth crusted with vomit. She turned on the sink and gulped down a cup of water. Then she washed her face leaving no trail of vomit or make up.

Looking at him she froze, tears coming to her eyes. "Dam*it" she cursed quickly wiping them away. "All I wanted was to watch a da*n movie and I-" she said her voice choking her off. "I am never going to be normal again am I?" She asked finally.

He looked at her hard. "You are goin to fast Jen"

She didn't speak but she gave him a look that spoke volumes. She didn't think she was going too fast. In fact she thought the process was going way to slow. A movie wasn't supposed to cause you to throw up.

* * *

Later that evening...

They sat on the couch apart from each other watching what seemed like the news. Jenny was drinking some drink and he was drinking bourbon. With a flash the TV was off and she was staring at him.

At first her eyes showed what seemed like fear or sadness. But then they filled with something he hadn't seen in a very long time. At least something he hadn't seen from her in a long time. The look was full of hope.

_Desire._

**Want.**

**_Hunger._**

But instead of giving in to this look he got up and helped her up. He walked behind her but didn't get far as she turned around. Quickly she put her hands around his neck pulling their lips closer. Their tongues competing for control. For a minute he forgot what happened to her and what he was about to do. He wasn't even sure what he was doing.

Then he saw it. The empty alcohol bottle sitting on the counter. The reason she was acting like this was because she was super drunk. "Jen" he mumbled pushing her lightly, but she only came back harder on him. He knew what he had to do, and he really didn't want to do it. He grabbed her wrist really hard and his attempt worked. Her mind flew back to being tied up on the bed.

Eventually she was in bed asleep, leaving a very confused, concerned, Jethro Gibbs sitting on the couch.

**A/N: I am so sorry for such the long wait. A little more jibbs in there, which is pretty good. I'm pretty proud of this chapter as a whole, just cuz the subject of rape isn't easy to address. I recently read a story called "Blackmail and Fortune Cookies" on here by Princess-Rachy. Let me just say it's hilarious. Read it if you haven't and if you are a fan of Mcabby and Tate (there is no jibbs sadly but the story will have you on the floor) 3 reviews for the next one. Let me know what you think! 143!**

**-Sasha  
**


	10. Death Calls

"I know but i think that Kate would... mhm. yeah. Ok i get it." a very strained Tony DiNozzo said into the phone. "No i totally understand it's just... mhm. yeah. Well I am her partner so... mhm."

Ziva David scribbled a note and showed it to him 'Need help with that?' it said.

He handed her the phone.

"Officer David. Well next time you should think about that before... you do hmm? Well I will jump through this phone and tear you apart piece by piece until you wish you were... hello?"

Shrugging the Israeli put the phone down.

"Who was that? Old boyfriend?"

"Very funny David. Kate's brother called. He's pissed."

"So am I, so are you. It's all going to be the way it's going to be." Sometimes Ziva could be very silly and playful. Other times she was very wise and inspirational. Tony trusted a lot of people with his life, but with his feelings there were very few. Part of the DiNozzo charm.

Gibbs walked into the squad room alone. "DiNozzo I want you To find this bastard. David help him. No one eats or sleeps til he's dead ya' hear? Where the hell is McGee?" he shouted.

"Downstairs with Abby. Where is Jenny?" Ziva answered.

He went to walk away. "Gibbs where is she?"

At that moment they all saw her, standing on the cat walk above them. Gibbs stormed off throwing away his full coffee cup.

"Her brother isn't the only one who's pissed" Tony said. Ziva agreed silently.

* * *

They both chose to talk in her office rather than right there on the catwalk. She didn't seem to want to talk about it at all. It was hard to see her like this, but he knew she was pushing herself again.

"Jethro before you jump down my throat you outta know I like my job here. It's good for my recovery."

"Jen I told you to STAY HOME" he complained.

"I know what you told me Jethro. NCIS relies on me to be here. It's my job."

"Jen it's always your job. I could see you leaving me in Paris for the job, but now you are betraying yourself."

"How did Paris get into this Jethro?"

"You don't remember do you? What happened last night?"

"No"

Now he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Be wanted to tell her what she did. Make her realize what she was doing to herself. On the other hand she must be embarrassed and right now he didn't need their interesting relationship to go south.

"Jen take a week off"

"Dam*it Jethro I am fine. I am doing ok"

"Why do you always push me away when I try to help you?"

"Because I don't need your help."

"Jen do you remember the movie's yesterday? You need help."

She was angry now. The last thing she needed was help. And to bring up her past in Paris like that?

"You got a bunch of agents who care about ya. They wont mind if you take time."

"I just-I don't wanna be alone."

"Fine I will take a couple of days. Ziva could come by too, and Abby. It will be a break for you. And God Jen i wont need to lecture you every day."

She sighed giving into his argument. "Fine. Maybe just for a few days. But not today. I have a discussion with the secretary of the navy about..." she made circular motions near her stomach. "This"

"Want anyone to go with you?"

"I think I would prefer the father in a prison cell then you watching me and the secretary fight."

"Fight?"

"Dam*it Jethro I don't know what to do. I don't want this baby. I really don't but... I don't want abortion. And I don't want this baby living it's life in foster care. And what parents will take the child of a serial rapist? What if it feels neglected? Mr. Secretary is going to go for abortion, the one option I don't want."

Feeling the awkwardness of the moment growing she said "See you tonight?" He nodded and left leaving her alone in the middle of a troubling debate by herself.

* * *

_She wanted to run. But it was the same thing over and over again. Her in the car waving to Jethro as he walked by. Wanting so desperately to scream, but knew if she did so there would be bullets flying. There he was again except there was no face at all. Nothing to identify him with. Fear crossed her mind and her heart.I have to wake up. I have to wake up. Then she was at his house. Except something was different this time. She wasn't tied up to a bed, naked as he watched her. She was sitting on a bed with him beside her. _

_"What are you going to do with our baby?" he asked.  
_

_Silence.  
_

_He held a gun to her head.  
_

_"I don't know yet but you won't ever get to have it." she said.  
_

_He smiled. "YOU DON'T KNOW ME JENNY SHEPARD. BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU."  
_

__"Jen? Hey wake up. You're dreaming."

"He wants the baby! All he wants is the f**kin' baby."

"Hey calm down!"

And at that moment he saw a man behind her, in the distance. He pushed her down to the ground just as bullets started flying threw the room. He took out his gun, but was careful to not leave her.

He heard cars driving away, screeching their tires loudly against the pavement of the streets. Not only had this man left holes in the mind of Jenny Shepard, but he wanted some holes in her body as well.

**A/N: I am pretty happy with this one. I LOVE my reviews. At the end of each chapter I am going to post the reviews I get. At the end of the story I will post the biggest review, the helpful review, the sweetest review, the funniest review, and the review that lit up my day. So send some more in! I am only going to require 2 reviews for the next chapter. Thanks again to my reviewers!**

**- Sasha**


	11. Trying Again

**A/N: I am sorry if the last chapter was confusing. This is a complicated story to put together. I got many wonderful reviews. In case you are confused in the last chapter Jen agreed to take a few days off as long as someone comes by and the rapist tried to kill her. Yeah the usual NCIS right? Anyway here we go!**

She woke up her vision blurred a little, as she wiped her eyes. She looked at the window which had holes in it, another one that was shattered. She cracked her neck and slowly sat up, breathing in fresh air. However how fresh can air be when you don't know who you are anymore? She wiped her eyes, which had few tears and cursed under her breath.

The scent of coffee slowly filled the room which woke her up quickly as she walked down the stairs. She expected him to be there, but the sight was much different then she had ever pictured.

"Shit." she cursed under her breath. He somehow heard her reaction and turned around.

"You were shot? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked staring at a fresh bullet wound in his shoulder, wrapped in a shirt.

"You have enough on your hands, Jen." He said handing her a cup of coffee. Obviously he wasn't prepared to have a long worn out argument with her.

"I'm still an agent Jethro. I think I can handle knowing you get shot. Did you go to the hospital?"

"No"

Silence filled the area quickly as the two continued to wait for something to be said. Soon the silence turned to awkwardness, each staring at each other unsure what to do next. Soon enough, yet too far away, his phone rang, causing her to jump out of her skin and him to feel more concern than ever.

"Yeah Gibbs." he said picking up the phone. "Got it." He hung up.

"Therapy day Jen, go get dressed"

"I thought we agreed to no therapy."she complained

"That was the secretary of the navy. He said he wants you on therapy for at least a week before you come back."

"He needs to stop sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Cant I just say I went to therapy?" "Get dressed." She sighed dramatically, and quickly walked up the steps.

* * *

AT THERAPY

Sitting down in the unfamiliar seat she felt insecure. Therapy only brought back things that needed to be forgotten. Abigail was across from her, and Jethro was next to her, yet she still felt unsafe. There was also another woman who was older with curly blonde/gray hair. She wore a blue blouse and a white knee-length skirt.

"Good to see you again Jenny, Jethro. This is Cameron but here we call her Cami. She will help deal with your pregnancy. I assume you do not want an abortion?" Abigail asked.

Jenny slightly nodded her head.

"Since you are older the pregnancy can cause problems. it will be harder on your body. Although at the time it might feel awful, I want a man by your side at all times. You will start to get sick in the mornings and -"

"GREAT." Jenny nearly yelled cutting her off. Now instead of monthly pains I'll just get a little bit of pain everyday. no big deal right?" she asked sarcasm dripping off her lips.

"Jen-"

"I can't do this." she said standing up and walking out of the room.

Abigail sighed. "Sometimes shes gonna be like that. Do you mind giving us a moment she asked Cami. Cami shuffled out of the room speechless, and soon Leroy Jethro Gibbs was sitting with Abigail in the office.

"He tried to kill her last night." Gibbs blurted a little angrily.

"Some things I cant fix, even when they seem... may I say easy?" she responded.

"She can't sleep, she wont eat. She refuses to be alone. When does she come back? I want back the Jenny I used to know."

"Tell her that. Tell her you don't like seeing her this way. Based on her performance here, she isn't interested in help for herself. Maybe if she thinks it's for you she will be more willing. Have you spoken to her about sex in any way? Maybe cracked a dirty joke, said the word sexy, anything?"

He shook his head.

"I hate to ask i really do but is she into sex? Does she enjoy it? Would she miss it?"

Remembering how rough she had been in Paris. The hunger, the craving and the force applied obviously showed her strength in her body. Her techniques were also very casual to her, very easy to do. There was no doubt, before her attack Jenny Shepard enjoyed sex.

"Yeah she'd miss it." he admitted.

Abigail nodded. "I can draw the general decision that she is moving fast. She wants to be able to have sex, and be herself again. However the way she is pushing herself, the force and the speed will only make it worse. Shes trying to forget what happened to her. but she wont be able to. In fact with a baby on the way she might never forget... I would like you to stay with her and slowly hint to her. I know it might be awkward since you've slept with her, but try to act like her husband or someone special. If it's too serious then you can back down."

Although it wasn't the best way to get back what they had, this might be a start to getting back the relationship they had so long ago. Secretly leaving the room he manged to sneak in his own personal smile.

**I am sooooo sorry this chapter took forever. School is crazy. We had a dance, testing, research papers, journals, book reports, homework, ect! So busy! Anyway I should be able to put up the next chapter very soon! There are only a few reviews required for this one since it was late and short. However please review!**


	12. I Want Her Back

She stood there, alone, silence creeping at every corner. A faint, yet sweet smell filled the small area as she wiped water off her face. Each and every water droplet touching her skin burned like acid. Each silent scream fading in steam which traveled around. No matter how warm it was, or how much it burned, she was still very cold and empty. Before a shower had been calming and relaxing. Now she feared it, because she feared being alone.

Turning off the water, she reached her arm out to grab a towel. When she heard a gruff voice she jumped and nearly screamed, but managed to keep that under control, identifying the voice with her past and knowledge. After wrapping the towel around her body she stepped out.

"You know when they said to stay with me they didn't mean when I shower." she stated smirking.

"We need to talk"

The smirk lost its place in a heartbeat, transforming into a frown. "We always do, don't we?"

"This is serious." he said.

"I need to change." she said rolling her eyes. It's always a serious issue when they need to 'have a little talk'.

"I've seen it before."

"Jethro-" she scowled in surprise.

"Jen how do you see this working?"

"I don't know."

"We need a starting point."

"I'm not ready for this yet. Please wait outside."

"How 'bout I turn around?"

"What difference does it make?"

"Is that a yes?"

"knock yourself out"

And with that a pure, thick silence filled the room as he turned around and she changed. When she finished they left the bathroom and went into the kitchen, where Naomi had coffee waiting for them. Jenny thanked her and gave her the day off.

Seeing her not touching her coffee he questioned his next move. "What happened yesterday Jen? You were out of control."

"The situation is out of control. I had every right."

"Didn't answer the question."

"I don't want to talk about it. It doesn't help."

"You don't wanna talk about it, or you don't wanna believe it happened?"

"Both" she answered bluntly and angrily cutting off the conversation. But he kept pushing.

"So if talking about it doesn't work then what does?"

"Pretending like it didn't happen."

He laughed.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You can't forget it happened Jen. It's in your mind and in your body."

"Then what do you think I should do."

"That's not my job to figure out."

She turned around and looked out the window, tears filling her eyes. "What do you care."

He got up and walked towards her and grabbed her wrist softly. She turned and looked at him trying to pull away.

"Hey, Jen"

She stopped fighting his grip. He slowly rubbed his thumb around her bruises there. Feeling a bit more relaxed she let her hand lie limp in his, trusting his moments would be gentle.

"This isn't the Jenny I used to know."

"What does that mean?"

"You are scared right now. You don't know what to do. You're confused, you're lost. I respect that. But Jen, come on. You know this isn't what you wanna be. You wanna be the director of NCIS. You're strong, you really are. Remember when I went into the coma?"

"Yes."

"I didn't want help from the doctors. From Ducky. But I needed SOMEONE. You need to talk to someone Jen. I don't care who. That's the Jenny I used to know. The one that might get lost but can find help. The one that might be hurt but can crack jokes and laugh at them. That's the Jenny I fell in love with those years back. That's the Jenny you've been all your life. That's the one in here." He moved her hand over her heart, his hand on top of hers.

She smiled. "I feel like I'm in a movie."

He smiled as well. "That was a lot to say, I think I forgot my next line."

"I don't think you've ever gotten so emotional like that. I want the Jethro back I used to know. On the other hand..."

"Very funny Jen."

"Thank-you."

"Yeah anytime Jen, anytime."

**So a lot of talking, not much change in the plot but for some reason I felt this chapter was necessary and would be pretty entertaining. I apologize for the long wait and short chapter. This is based on two songs "I hate this part" by the pussycat dolls, and "T- Shirt" by Shontelle. I love the reviews I have gotten. Some people are addicted to drugs or candy or donuts. For me it's reviews! (And Jibbs of course). The next chapter will have a little more of the other characters, or not. Let me know what you think. I will probably add another chapter tomorrow before NCIS! 3 reviews for the next chapter. THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** **THANK YOU** to all **of my awesome reviewers. I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! Please review! 143!**

**-Sasha**


	13. He Won't Stop

"So yes or no?" Her nosy co-worker asked again. This was maybe the third time he had asked, and the first time she could not keep her anger bottled up. So she bit her lip and asked a question she was pretty sure she was going to regret. On the upper hand at least he was acting a little more Tony like. Ever since Kate left he had been very quiet and downhill. With the question he had just asked you could tell he was perking up. Whether it was for Kate or for himself, Ziva was glad to see the transition. So she had to play along a little.

"Why does it matter so much?"she asked jerking her head up from her work.

"Common Ziva its called gossip." he said with a dramatic eye-roll. He turned and looked at McGee. "Probie Director and Gibbs. Good couple?" he asked.

McGee shrugged. "I could see it"

"It's the way she looks at him." Tony added on. Usually the probationary agent didn't play along with his immatureness or whatever you choose to call it. In any matter if he could sucker McGee into a conversation he was going to. Especially a conversation that was juicy and full of details.

"And the way they share coffee." McGee added on. Like Ziva he was glad to see Tony perking up. He could play along with JUST ONE story. And on the inside he did notice a little sexual tension between Gibbs and The Director. Why not admit it now? "You think since she was his probie he treats her nicely?"

"I wonder if they slept together." Tony said a huge grin appearing on his face.

"Maybe" McGee said sipping his coffee.

"You two are a mess. Gibbs and Director Shepard have said and done nothing to indicate they ever had a relationship. You are both taking kind gestures as sexual indications."Ziva said with a mild head roll, her voice having power and volume, both increasing by each word.

"If McGee tried to take a drink of your coffee what would you do?" Tony asked another attempt to prove his point to the beautiful, yet stubborn agent that sat across from him.

"Tear his hand off"

McGee rubbed a hand across his wrist. "Ow" he mumbled to himself.

"Exactly. What if he called you Zi instead of Ziva?"Tony continued. Obviously Ziva was unaware of his plan to prove her wrong.

"He would be a dead man walking." She said eying them both carefully.

"And what if he knew that everyone thought you were having sex and continued to do the same thing anyway?"

"I would tear him limb from limb."

"Now imagine if your boyfriend drank your coffee."

"Fine."

"If he called you Zi as a little nickname."

"I _**might**_ spare him."

"Everyone thinks you're having sex and he continues this behavior."

"Are we having sex?"

"Maybe."

"I would be ok with it but would want to have sex with him if everyone though we were."

"So you do think they are having sex"

"I never said... look if it means that much to you Tony then i think they could have sex. They are grown adults, she is a red head. However i will not assume that they have had any type of sex based on small... things"

"Think they are good in bed?"

"I do not want to have this conversation. _**Especially**_ not with you."

"Guys... look" Timothy McGee said pointing to the TV. The fear or was it- concern in his voice was strong enough to pull Tony out of a crazy day-dream. All three of the agents looked at the screen. On the screen was a dead woman who had been raped. She had red hair and green eyes. The relation was too close to be passed along. However it was the video that kept all pairs of eyes on the screen. It was the video of the woman being murdered.

_"Please! Haven't you done enough? I have a husband and children at home." The woman screamed tears streaming down her face._

_"How old are those children?" he asked putting his hand on her face._

_"6, 2, and 3 months. Please just let me go."_

_"Not until I have my baby." _

In a flash he put a bullet in her head, and the video cut off.

"Right now we have news reporters at the house of Jennifer Shepard, the director of NCIS. Rumor has it she was raped less than 2 months ago by this man and COULD be pregnant. Is this the baby he could be after and is it worth the deaths we have now? Take a look."

And then they saw over a hundred people crowding Jenny's house, shouting and screaming.

Gibbs came in right on cue.

"Boss-" Tony said.

"I know DiNozzo. Grab your weapons, we're going for a ride." he said grabbing his gun and throwing the keys to Tony.

"What does that mean?" Ziva asked.

"It means we're about to kick some news producers a*s." Tony nearly shouted and nearly everyone in the room stopped and stared. "Carry on" he said, noticing their stares and feeling rather uncomfortable.

"Why do we need our weapons if we are going to KICK their a*s?"

"He meant shoot their ass" McGee added into the conversation.

"Whatever we do, their ass is gonna hurt like hell." Gibbs said.

Arriving at Jenny's house was like attempting to investigate the crime scene of 5 dead celebrities. Pushing through was hard, but the questions made it harder everyone in their way. In a matter of time Tony had enough. He pulled his weapon and threatened to shoot anyone who got in the way. Let us just say the crowd reduced greatly.

As soon as they walked in Jenny wrapped her arms around his neck. It was a quick little hug as she slammed the door shut. "Thank god your here. What the hell is going on?"

"Someone leaked to the press you were raped and pregnant" Gibbs said leaving out the other parts about the news, victim and the video. Jenny had been right. That bastard wanted the baby.

"Ziva, McGee, Tony. I want them gone."

"How do we do that boss."

"Shoot em if you have to."

* * *

_later that night..._

He had made dinner, something he did not do often, but since Naomi wasn't there he took it into his own hands to make a meal. He made them each a plate and sat down across from her. She hardly ate anything, picking at each piece of food with her fork.

"We need to talk" she said at last.

He put his fork down and swallowed the food that was in his mouth. "Thought you didn't like talking." he said.

"I thought you wanted me to talk to someone. That's what you said yesterday."

"Fine. Then we can talk."

"I don't know what to do with her... him... it. I saw what was on the news. Which means I can't have an abortion."

"I thought you didn't want an abortion."

"I don't know what I want anymore and- I just need to talk to someone."

"I don't care what you do with it. You can get an abortion Jen and you are still a good woman. You can get an adoption which makes you strong enough to have the baby. And if you keep the baby... you'll make a great mom."

"I bet you were a great dad." she said looking down at her plate. Then, her eyes filled with something that mixed sadness, anger, confusion, and happiness and she stared at him, eye to eye.

"What?" he asked feeling her stare against his face.

"I just don't know what to say anymore."

"Movie?"

Remembering her last movie she shook her head.

"Then we can take it to the next step."

"What does that mean."

"Hey I don't wanna push it Jen but if you can't watch a movie then something needs to change. I think that's us."

"Us?"

"This. How am I supposed to help you if you won't let me? If you don't trust me?"

She looked at her feet attempting to end the awkwardness and tenderness of the moment. "What's the next step."

"Touching."

She glared at him.

"Just tell me what bothers you and I'll stop. At least I'll know your breaking points."

She hesitated greatly before an "OK" seeped through her lips.

He touched her wrists first and she made no movement. He went up her arms as well but she didn't move. He touched the sides of her body and her breath hitched. He then avoided her breasts knowing that would be taking the first step too far. He moved his hands down to her stomach. She was fine until he went to go to her legs, in which she grabbed his hand tightly in hers, freezing the movement.

"No" she said. "Let's watch the movie."

And just like that a step towards them becoming something special took two steps back.

**A/N: A little longer. LOVE THE REVIEWS. 4 reviews for the next one! NCIS tonight! 143!**

**-Sasha**

**2 MORE NEEDED**


	14. Gone

Warmth can be a wonderful thing. Whether it be the warmth of a lover holding your hand, a baby laughing as you make the funniest faces possible. Or maybe its the simple feel of warm coffee touching your lips right after the sun awoke you from a wonderful dream. Maybe just the warmth of the sun puts a smile on your face. This is how she felt right now drinking her coffee as she flipped through every news station possible trying to find ones interesting, but not involving her. She ended up stopping on a random cartoon. Within ten minutes the cartoon had her laughing. What each character said was dumb, but it delighted her. Some of what they said she took dirty, pushing herself more and more each time. Jethro soon walked into the room.

"Didn't know you watched cartoons Jen" he stated a little confused but completely amused by this new and unique behavior.

"Nothing else on that's... never mind. Coffee's in the kitchen if you want some."

Other then getting coffee as she had expected he sat down next to her. She wondered why but decided to stay quiet.

"How long have you been up?" he asked breaking the silence between them.

"Maybe an hour." she said. Then she turned the TV off, feeling the cartoon was an excuse or distraction to keep away from what they really needed to do. Talk. Talk about the baby or when she was going back to work. Talk about anything, and everything at the same time. The urge to talk was eating at her core.

"I know you think I'm moving too fast but I'm not. Yesterday with the... touching. It didn't feel wrong. It felt like we were on a good role. So I think I'm moving in the wrong direction. Maybe we should try more.. things like that." she said.

"When?" he asked.

"Whenever. And I think it would be okay if you... God I don't know what I'm doing."

"You're getting through this your way."

"When can I go back to work? That's where I want to be. Helping other people. Sitting here alone thinking about my problems isn't going to do anything."

"I can try."

She got up through with talking, just the way it was going. It was beginning to put pity on her. The more pity that was on her, the more pity she wanted on someone else.

* * *

Ziva was running but she couldn't seem to find her way. She had no idea who was chasing her, or what she was doing. All she knew was that they had a weapon and she didn't. Someone had broken into her apartment to get something, and she wasn't sure if that something was her. She stumbled on a rock falling and cutting up her leg. She attempted to get up, blood everywhere, but fell down when she put pressure on her injured leg. She remembered that in Mossad this would've never happened. In America, there wasn't enough danger to keep her skills sharp. She once again attempted to get up but felt a heavy impact to the back of her head. She nearly fainted before barely opening her eyes to see a figure standing over her.

* * *

_The next day..._

Tony got to work a few minutes early, hoping someone had collected news on Kate. He was surprised Ziva was not there yet, but figured she was in bed asleep. Jenny's rape and Kate's injury had put a lot of pressure on the team.

McGee came in a few minutes later.

"You're here early."

"Any news on Kate?" Tony asked getting right to the point, very unusual for his type of behavior.

"No... where's Ziva?"

"I was hoping you knew."

Tony's phone rand noisily about 20 minutes later.

"Special Agent DiNozzo."

"Tony... it's Ziva."

"Oh Ziva hey, I was gonna call but then McGee got me distracted... Where are you?"

"No time. He has me and a few other people here. He wants the baby. Tell Jenny and Gibbs no one else."

"Where are you? Jenny won't have the baby for months."

"He is a psycho Tony. He doesn't know the baby hasn't been born yet."

Then the phone went dead.

Leaving the fate of Jenny, Gibbs, Kate, Ziva, and the baby unknown in the hands of a serial rapist and murderer.

**A/N: So kind of a dumb chapter but I needed it for the next chapter which is going to have much angst between jenny and Gibbs, and teamwork between Tony, Abby and McGee. It also brings up much of Paris past! I am soooo ready to post it. Just have to write it first. 2 reviews for the next one please. HAPPY PI DAY AND ST. PATRICKS DAY! My math teacher is crazy about pi day, but hey who doesn't like free pi right?**


	15. Confusion

An argument was already heated up between the two, as expected. For one thing the baby had not been born. This could mean two things. Jenny could risk her life and Ziva's life in an attempt to explain how long the pregnancy will take. She was already 5 months along, which means another four were to be counted for. The other option was to risk Ziva, Jenny, and a baby's life in an act of sacrifice. The baby would be one who is dying, but would die in the hands of a monster.

"I can't let Ziva die, and an unknown baby because I'm pregnant Jethro!" she shouted loud enough for the whole office to hear. Hell, loud enough for all of Washington DC to hear. Special agent Anthony DiNozzo being one of those people.

"Jen listen to me..." Gibbs tried again, but the effort failed.

"I've heard enough. My mind is made up. I will explain to him I won't have the baby for months. When I give birth I'll trade the child for Ziva. It's all he wants and that's what he's going to get."

"Then why did he try to kill you?" he shouted.

For once Jenny Shepard had no argument. He was right.

"He wants that baby because that is the only way to link him to your rape. He doesn't want to take care of it. He will kill it as soon as it's in his hands. He might not even give us Ziva until it's dead. He might not give us Ziva at all if the risk is too big. Ziva was a way of you giving him the baby. Giving him the baby so nobody could ever prove he is the rapist." Gibbs explained lowering his tone. He no longer wanted to yell at her. None of this was her fault.

"And what if your wrong? What if he won't kill the baby?" she questioned, even though she knew he was probably right.

"Are you willing to take that risk?"

"Are you?"

"God Jen you sound like an ex-wife."

"That's all I was going to be wasn't it?"

Suddenly one conflict led into another one. None of them wanted to take their minds off of Ziva, but they both knew they couldn't help her until they could work together. And they could only work together if everything was settled between them.

"You didn't leave for the career." He said more of a statement than a question.

"No. I left because I knew it was me or you Jethro. I learned about Shannon and Kelly, the ex-wives. I knew then and there you were using me to get over her. Just like you were using the others. I knew you didn't..." she sighed leaving him wondering what he didn't do. "And if I were an ex-wife you wouldn't be able to look at me. So I figured if I wanted a career here, at NCIS, I would leave."

"You're wrong Jen."

"Don't defend yourself Jethro I-"

"I was going to tell you back in DC. You were different."

Right when things were getting more involved Tony walked in the door a look of stress on his face.

"Boss, McGee and I tracked the phone Ziva used to call. It was dumped, Abby's looking into it now." Tony stated.

"And DiNozzo?"

"And Eli David wants to speak to you director."

He handed her the phone in which Eli had already dialed. Jenny held the phone up to her ear, nervous about what the man on the other side was about to say. Right now she was dealing with enough problems to be dealing with another one.

"Eli." She said into the phone.

"Shalom Jenny."

"I'm sure you are aware of the situation."

"Yes your uh Antony DiNozzo filled me in on Ziva's... problem. It has become a threat to Mossad, yes?"

"What makes you think this threatens Mossad Eli?"

"Ziva knows most of Mossad's codes and the secrets we keep, as I am sure she does with the NCIS. I am not going to involve Mossad without your permission, Jenny."

"That's very kind of you." She said part seriously, part sarcastically.

"I just want my daughter to come back safe. She's um... all that I have left."

"I understand Eli. I will do EVERYTHING I can to ensure her safety. She is also a dear friend of mine and I owe her."

"I trust I'll see her alive again?"

"I'll keep you informed." She said dodging the question. As much as she wanted to tell him Ziva would be fine, she knew she couldn't make any promises. How could this have happened? Jenny knew Ziva could take care of herself, but death was not just to be avoided. For example Kate could take care of herself, yet a bomb blast had her waiting for surgery. In fact, Kate was most likely in surgery now.

"Shalom" he said and with that the line went dead. She didn't know when, but at some point Tony had left the room. For better or for worse, this could involve much more people and effort then she ever imagined.

"Jen, we have to put it aside." he said talking about their past.

"I don't think I can. How am I supposed to trust you and your opinion about what is right for me and..." she trailed off once more. "If I were per say Diane or Stephanie would you be here? Would you support me and put me through therapy?"

"Jenny-"

"TELL ME."

"No." he said angry at the way she was taking it. Didn't she get it? Diane and Stephanie weren't here! They had no part in this at all. Jenny was more to him then they were. Stephanie and Diane were very close friends who he did use. He wasn't going to marry Jenny because he loved her. When she walked away he was devastated. Stan became very angry with his behavior and left him and Mike. Mike never knew Jenny and him had a relationship.

"You were different." he said one final attempt to catch her attention.

However, no matter how honest it was, she couldn't accept it. She trusted him but she couldn't TRUST him. It was such a complicated feeling she didn't know what to do with herself. 'You were different' she thought. 'Yeah... you were different too'.

**A/N: This chapter was soooooo much hard work! Along with school work, friendship, and just time to relax, it has been BUSY! But I'm back! I wanted this chapter to be much more jibbish since it's kind of been going back and forth. More angst then fluff this time. So please let me know how it is and give some ideas. I actually do have a reviewer (who I am a big fan of btw) who gave me a suggestion I will be using very soon. This is kind of based on the song "Love the way you lie" by Rihanna AND (My favorite rapper ever!) Eminiem. Anyway, please review and tell me who's side you're on Gibbs or Jenny. 143!God Bless Boston.  
**


	16. A Talk

He could hear the water beating down on the surface. How could Jenny have said those things? On one point of view it was all unraveling. She hadn't left him for a job or a five point plan as she had always said. She had left him because she believed she would be another ex-wife. Another anti-depressant for him to get over Shannon. She had seen herself in the position of Stephanie or Diane. She figured she had to leave in order to protect herself.

On the other hand, she was different. She WASN'T Diane or Stephanie, and she wasn't going to be an anti-depressant. He actually felt very safe and secure with her. He loved her for her personality, not as a distraction. Now, when she needed him most she couldn't trust him. She couldn't look him dead in the eye. When he had said she was different he had meant it more than anything in the world. In fact, he would do anything for her to just talk to him.

He turned the shower water off and quickly got dressed. He decided to talk to someone they had given up hope in. Abigail. Jenny and him both knew in order to get ziva back they needed help from someone professional. Gibbs was not one to care for therapy, but it was him or Jenny at this point.

"I think we should try therapy Jen." he told her once he was fully clothed and out of the shower.

"Actually I think we should talk. Honestly for once." she avoided his over powering glare while she spoke, her lips trembling with every word. It was as if instead of getting stronger every day, she got weaker and weaker. Maybe it was because she had nobody to lean on, or maybe it was just because she couldn't get stronger.

"You first" he said smirking. It put a small smile on her face, but the smile quickly faded.

"About Paris or the... rape?"

"Either... **both.**"

"I don't know what you want to hear. I don't even know truth from lie anymore. I'm broken."

The way she said I'm broken made his heart drop and nearly brought tears to his eyes. He had let someone so close to him get hurt so badly right under his watch.

"Come here." he said and she did come much closer. He thought about hugging her, but he didn't know what she's think of that. So instead he put a hand on her shoulder.

"I loved you. You aren't Shannon, or Diane, or Stephanie. You are JENNIFER SHEPARD. Jen... look at me."

She did her green eyes in his put everything together.

"I need you to tell me what happened."

She nodded. "In the car... when I waved to you." she began to cry a little. "He had me at gunpoint." Then, she crashed. There were so many tears and her fragile body started shaking.

The impact of her words hit him so hard. He had seen the fear in her eyes and did NOTHING. He let her off without stopping her when she waved goodbye.

Suddenly her arms were around him, her face on his shoulder. He ran a hand through her hair, and put her tears on his shoulder.

"I love you" he whispered tearing up a little himself.

**I know it was short, but I think it's one of the best chapters so far. based on pink's song "Please Don't Leave Me" I LOVE PINK SO MUCH! Anyway soooo much Jibbs here huh? Let's just say from this point on things will be very different for Jen and Gibbs! 2 reviews for the next one. I believe I used one idea in here but PLEASE give me your thoughts! 143!**

**-Sasha**


	17. Death

Jenny Shepard was beautiful. Her long red hair, long legs, nice body. She had the most beautiful green eyes that would sparkle when she was happy, and darken when she was upset or jealous. Her hair was beautiful, red and soft. Her professional dress wear, a skirt with heels. The way she talked. The way she walked. Everything about her was beautiful. But not anymore.

She was very thin to a point of looking very unhealthy, especially since she was pregnant. Her hair was usually greasy and frizzy. She always had it pulled back and usually her bangs were not brushed. She didn't wear heels anymore because she was too frail and uneasy to walk in them properly. She never put on lipstick like she used to. She wore pants now, long pants everyday. Her eyes were very dull and clouded.

She was back at work now, and 5 months along. Ziva was still being held captive. It had been a month now. They hadn't heard a word from her, or from the man that had her. For all they knew, Ziva could be dead. Kate was supposed to go into surgery two months ago. Her official surgery would be next week, if it wasn't pushed back again.

Jethro was holding himself together, but barely. He didn't talk to anybody about the different situations he was in. Jenny was the love of his life, and she was slowly dying right in front of him. Jenny's baby daddy had his team member and refused to give her back unless he had Jenny's baby. His other team member was in the hospital. They could both be dead any minute now.

Tony was doing everything he could to stay strong. A little joke every once and a while would keep a smile on his face. But he didn't joke much. Everyone was serious about their job now. No more movie references or comments about McGee's geeky online games. Everything had changed and so did he. McGee was the same way. He was so focused now, a different person.

Abby had lost her little girl self. She was no longer so sweet and innocent. She didn't play music in her lab anymore, and nobody dared to ask why. She never had her hair in pigtails or braids. She didn't jump up and down when she got excited. She didn't put on much make up anymore. Her best friends were all dying, or different and it changed her too.

* * *

It was a cold day, one of the days you wish you could run away from your problems. Jenny had just gotten home, and Jethro had insisted on working late. He would be there later.

When Jenny first came in she jumped seeing a familiar face sitting at her kitchen table, chatting with Naomi. She shut the door behind her and both women turned around to greet her.

"Welcome home" Naomi said fixing the table.

"Jennifer. What have you done with yourself? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? And your hair is a mess! What happened to your heels and skirts? This is such a surprise. For years I tried getting you out of lipstick!"

"Mom. Please. Don't call me Jennifer. What made you stop by?" she said rolling her eyes.

"I called months ago Jenni- Jenny. You were excited said you would get the house cleaned up. I hate to be so blunt but you look a mess! when is the last time you have eaten?"

"Mom the reason this is... how it is... is because I was raped. You remember Jethro right?"

"Of course."

"He's been helping me with everything. He will be here a little later than usual. He's not the father."

"Jenny... why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not proud of it Mom. When is the last time you visited? A year or two ago? What difference did it make if you knew or not?"

Before her mother could answer the phone rang and Jenny rushed up to get it. How could her mother pretend like she cared so much? She knew she didn't care.

"Shepard" she answered the phone forgetting about her mother for just one minute.

"Hey Jen" it was Jethro.

"Jethro-"

"Hey, I gotta go now Jen but I thought you should know Ziva was found."

She inhaled deeply and held her breath. "Alive or..."

"Alive... she's gonna be ok."

"He gave up on the baby?"

"Maybe you should meet me down here." he said calmly. He had avoided the question.

She hung up the phone without giving a goodbye, her heart pumping heavy in her chest. Ziva was alive. What did this mean though? She grabbed her keys and hurried out the door, leaving her mother to question the phone wasn't the most polite thing to do, but her mother was no longer her greatest concern.

She met the whole team at the crime scene after re-calling Jethro for directions.

"Tony!" she said running over to him.

"She's alive, small concussion, nothing big." he said a smile on his face. For the first time in a while he had smiled, and it warmed even the chilly air outside up.

"He gave up on the baby?" she asked a smile joining her face as well.

"He's dead."

**A/N: This was a hard chapter to write and the next one is going to be such a surprise! Well it's pretty good anyway. only 2 reviews for the next one, good or bad. I don't know how but "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum inspired this one. I read back and in the first chapter I mentioned her mother coming to visit. **

**Next Chapter Will Include:**

**1. Ziva's return**

**2. Kate's Surgery**

**3. A pretty good surprise ;-)**

**I love my reviewers so much! Thank you! 143!**

**-Sasha**


	18. Lies and Faith

Things were a lot happier now that Ziva was back. The whole mood of the team was changed for the better. Abby had started playing her music, Tony started cracking jokes. They were still weighed down by Kate being hurt, but they were much better. Even Gibbs seemed better because Jenny was doing better.

NCIS became something beautiful again. This was all because the director was beautiful again, inside and out. She started wearing heels again and lipstick. She did her hair now and looked a little better health wise, but not much time had passed to officially state that. Only one month. Today was the day Kate would go into surgery, and the day Ziva would be able to work again.

Coming into the office early Ziva David walked with her head high, not afraid to face the questions people would have for her. She had done her hair and make up, but in reality was just happy to be home. She was happy to be with her team, happy to be breathing.

To her surprise Tony was already at work, a smile on his face.

"Good morning" she said truthfully.

"Is it?" Tony asked his smile fading to show his serious side.

"Please not another movie reference." she said turning around. She really didn't want to face him right now because secretly she loved him, in a different kind of way than she had ever loved anyone else. Almost like a brother, but then in a romantic way as well. Right now she wanted him to be goofy. She wanted to pretend that nothing happened for just one day.

He had forgotten that he hadn't made any movie references in a long time. In fact a lot of things had changed since Ziva had gone. Some of the things were coming back but not everything.

"We almost lost you." he said simply letting all of his emotions linger, his heart on his sleeve.

"No..." she said shaking her head "you didn't."

* * *

_Later that day...  
_

They had waited several months for this and now it was finally here. The one mission that they couldn't affect the outcome. All they could do is trust ones they've never met and wait. Kate was strong, they knew that but nobody is strong enough to outrun death. So all of them waited at the hospital patiently hoping for a miracle or something more.

An hour later the doctor doing her surgery came out. They all stood up at once waiting for the news if Kate would live or die.

"Kate went into surgery weak and very unsatisfactory. As a young doctor I would've had her wait longer, but I have had many experiences. She needed the surgery soon, and she wasn't getting any more stable. I had to use some of my very best doctors including myself." he said.

"So... is she ok?" Abby asked like a little girl with hope in her eyes.

The doctor smiled. "She's going to make it."

Smiles flashed around the whole room to see the few so happy, hugging and smiling.

"Can we visit?" Tony asked. "Is she stable?"

"She can hear you but I won't expect her talking to come back until tomorrow."

One by one they went in to talk to her about how they were happy she was okay, what happened with Ziva, etc. Abby was in there longest telling her every little detail. She was Kate's best friend what did they expect? They were all so happy she was going to be okay it was like some sort of fairytale. You could tell things would soon go back to the way things were, happy and carefree. They even realized how much they meant to each other, how much they were a family.

Jenny went home soon after seeing Kate, bringing some paperwork with her to do at home. It had been a long day for all of them but she would have to face everything tomorrow about the rape. every single detail would be placed in a file and locked away. She would have to go through it all again and again. Every detail exposed.

Gibbs and the team decided to stay a little late with Ziva. They explained some of the cases they had and how everything had changed. For the first time in a while Tony cracked a movie reference. They all laughed and had a pretty good time realizing that all they needed to do was open up to each other.

"I know Ducky has some wine." Ziva said smiling.

"I can get it" McGee offered.

"Thanks but I would love to see Ducky again. I've missed his long stories." she said honestly a smile on her face. "I will be right back"

She headed down the elevator running into Ducky there.

"ZIVA!" he said excitement in his voice.

He wrapped her in a hug and she hugged him back. The doctor was like a grandfather to her, and she missed him a lot. "I have missed you Ducky." she smiled.

"And to you, my dear. Where are the others? They sent you alone?" he asked.

"I'm fine Ducky really I am. Jenny went home, the rest are in the squad room. I was sent to ask you for wine." she calmly said.

"I believe I left the door unlocked. There is a wonderful selection on the top shelf, a reddish color. I've been saving it for a special occasion and your return deserves much more."

"Thank you." she did placing a kiss on his cheek and rushing off.

She walked into the autopsy room and took a deep breath. She missed the old place and even though it smelled like death, it was part of her home. She made her way to the wine cabinet and took a quick look around. Surely, a wine bottle with reddish color was on the top. Benoit Lahaye Bouzy Rouge was labeled at the top. Ziva knew this wine was any where between 40 and 90 dollars. She pulled it down from the shelf. As she did so she looked over to the autopsy tables, all of them closed but none of them locked.

She set the bottle of wine down on one of the clean and empty tables near by. Slowly she made her way to the closed boxes which contains bodies, and which could've contained hers or Jenny's. She opened the first one which was empty. Then she opened the second door. In there contained a woman with a bullet wound in her head. Ziva continued opening shelf after shelf. One contained a man she didn't recognize with several bullet wounds in his chest. Another contained an older man she didn't recognize who looked as though he had just died of a sudden heart attack. Finally she got to the last drawer and strongly hesitated before opening it, her hand on the handle.

She jumped and retrieved her gun when she heard the door open behind her. Rolling her eyes she put her gun away. "Tony!" she snapped loudly but enough to tell she was embarrassed. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to check on our little ninja chick." he said receiving a glare from her. "You've been down here for 15 minutes."

"I am fine."

He realized there was only one drawer unopened and looked her in the eyes. "Open it." he said.

She squeezed hard on the handle and opened quickly, wanting it to be fast like pulling off a band-aid. To her surprise there was nothing, nobody inside. She searched around the room questionably. Then her glance stopped directly on Tony who looked like he had all the answers. He also looked like there was something he was dying to tell her.

"Where is he?" she asked sternly.

"Ziva... we didn't catch him. He wasn't there at all. We got NCIS, FBI, CIA, hell we got everyone on our side. Tomorrow we are going to announce he's dead. Ducky's profiled him for a few months now. We have a good idea of where he will go if he lets his guard down."

"You don't have to wait Tony. When I was there he took my cell phone so I couldn't make any calls on it." Ziva said excitedly.

"He's a smart guy Ziva, he turned it off by now." Tony said shaking his head.

"Do you remember 3 years ago I lost my cell phone and it was turned off so we couldn't trace it?"

"Yeah you were pretty pissed off." he said smiling.

She got extremely close to him. "I put a tracking device inside the chip in my phone. This time if I lost it, and it was turned off I could still track it. If he still has my cell phone on him McGee could trace it."

"What was the device called?"

"z40 Lost and Found"

Then it happened. He kissed her passionately on the lips. She had done it. She was going to be the reason this rapist and criminal was found. And he loved her more than ever right now.

He grabbed her hand. "Let's get McGee. We catch this bastard tonight."

**A/N: When I had first had Kate in the explosion I had wanted to kill her off but I just couldn't do it! I know it sucks the bastard isn't dead but I wanted a specific person to do it. I think you guys will love the next chapter. This one had a lot of Tiva but I figured it to be a little special for Ziva's return. It's really fun to write this story so i don't think i am ending it to soon! I LOVE my reviews! Please tell me what you like and dislike. i can't please all, but I can please some. And PLEASE give me suggestions for the story. Maybe you want Gibbs to shoot the guy or Jenny? Maybe Ziva should do it? Maybe I will leave him alive and put us in court. Jenny is going to figure out the gender of the baby in the next chapter. Tell me what you want. Guy, Girl, or maybe twins! Majority rules on that one! Also I'd love name suggestions although I have one in mind, we can see! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you guys wanna see! Since there wasn't much Jibbs in this one only 2 reviews for the next one. This chapter was inspired by "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. 143!**

**Next Chapter:**

**1. Kate awakes.**

**2. Does he live or die?**

**3. JIBBS!**

**4. Gender of the baby (Vote in your review!)**

**5. *possibly the name of the baby* (Vote in your review!)**

**Possible names I'VE thought off!**

**Girl  
**

**1. Izzy**

**2. Anna**

**3. Alexa**

**4. Maura (Rizzoli and Isles fan!)**

**5. Lola  
**

**6. Lily**

**Boy**

**1. Aiden (Ghost whisperer girl as well!)**

**2. Rider**

**3. Jesse**

**4. Lyle**

**5. Owen**

**6. Henry **

**Or add one of your own!**

**-Sasha**


	19. End It

The rush of it was almost perfect. Tony and Ziva running up the steps together after they discovered they were more than tracking Ziva's phone smiling the whole time. everyone's heart beat was pulsing faster and faster, the blood rushing through their bodies. They hadn't felt the rush in a while and to be honest it wasn't bad at all. Most of all they were a team again. They were all together smiling, nearly hand in hand. So close, closer than most families you see everyday. All they needed was Jenny. All he needed was jenny. And with this bastard gone everything was possible.

They put on their vests and grabbed their weapons. Other parts of NCIS followed. This man had managed to kidnap and rape the director of NCIS. Afterwards he was able to kidnap a Mossad officer/NCIS agent. It could take more than four agents to bring him down.

"Tony, gas the truck. McGee tell Ducky and Palmer. Ziva... go with Tony. One of you call Jenny." Gibbs shouted quickly going to his own car.

"GIBBS!" Ziva called down the hallway before he got onto the elevator. "Are you driving with us?"

"Not enough room. GO."

"Gibbs-"

"GO Ziva. i can take care of myself." he said loudly, but there was no anger in his voice. He could understand her concern for it was the same concern he had for Jenny. But Ziva was like a daughter to him. It was better that she didn't know what he was going to do and where he was going to go.

"So could I. So could Jenny. He RAPED her. I AM NOT letting you go alone." She shouted anger and betrayal filling her body. _Just let me in. _she thought. She had killed her own brother to prove his trust and now she felt like that had meant nothing. "What do I need to do to get you to trust me?"

"Trust me Ziva. I trust you, now it's your turn. GO WITH DINOZZO." he got into the elevator.

She slightly nodded and he watched the elevator doors slowly close her not daring to move. He felt as though the elevator doors showed his separation from NCIS. He needed to gain that back, but right now there were more important things to do.

As soon as the elevator doors closed Ziva ran to catch up with Tony and McGee. This was her family now. But just like her old one nobody would talk to her. Her own father was keeping secrets, and now Gibbs was too. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. "Jenny... it's Ziva." she said her blood running cold at the news she was about to deliver.

* * *

They drove right to an abandoned farmhouse which looked like it could be used as a set for a horror movie. The doors were rotting and most likely creaked, so their entrance would be loud if he was in another room. This would give him time to escape, that is if there weren't a thousand agents surrounding every possible exit.

Ziva and Tony went in first, McGee not far behind them, guns loaded and pointed. Right now if a rat crawled across the floor it would leave with several bullet wounds in it. Any movement caused them all to jump, especially since it was hard to see in the darkness.

"There" Tony whispered to her his eyes in a figure in the dark. Ziva lifted her gun to the figure. "NCIS don't move!"she shouted. The agents inside the room all turned and put their guns up. The agents outside slowly started coming in.

"Ziva... I've missed your beautiful voice." the man said whirling around facing several guns. They all saw he had one of his own. There was a young brunette kneeling on the ground beside him, a gun to her head.

"All I wanted was a way out. I needed that damn baby. So I got Ziva. But the only way I could go than is to kill you Zi. But they'd find me. So I found something much more valuable. A n innocent. Three children at home. Single mom. You shoot me, I'll shoot her."

All of the agents looked at each other not knowing what to do. "GUNS DOWN OR SHE DIES!" the man shouted. Quickly the agents dropped their guns. At the same time they heard a car pull up.

The man smiled filling everyone with disgust. "That must be Jennifer. Great that she's here. Maybe I'll get to rape her again." He tilted his gun at the woman on her knees. "With this bitch I'll get Jenny and Ziva."

At that instant Tony lifted his gun.

"PLEASE!" The woman shouted on the ground. "He'll kill me. Don't let him kill me."

Gibbs entered the room, Jenny close behind him. As soon as Jenny saw his face she closed her eyes in pure pain. "That's him" she confirmed raising her gun in anger.

Before Jenny noticed the girl on the ground she fired her weapon. It didn't kill him though. Instead she hit him in his groin. He screamed falling to the ground as the brunette crawled away from him as fast as she could. One by one all of the agents raised their guns less than seconds apart from one another.

Jenny handed Gibbs her weapon silently her mouth in a thin line across her face.

"Jen... you can finish him." he said looking from her to the gun.

"One day... I'm going to meet my child Jethro. When they ask about their birth father... I can't tell it I was the killer. I can't tell it I killed their father. Let Ziva kill him or Tony. If you need it you can kill him. I just, I can't." she said walking out of the barn with that.

"Ziva..." Gibbs said. "End it."

And with that an evil man was put to rest. A bullet rested right into his temple by the Mossad woman. The NCIS agents all froze and smiled. It was a moment of beauty brought only by God himself.

* * *

Jethro had gotten a ride home from Tony since Jenny had taken the car home. They didn't speak much until the end of the car ride, when they were outside of Jenny's house. Gibbs explained to Tony why Jenny didn't kill him. Tony seemed to understand but he only nodded. At the end Gibbs got out of the car and Tony drove home. it had been a long day for everyone.

"Jethro" Jenny said when he walked into the house. He also saw this woman next to her, who resembled her in a lot of ways. the green eyes and the red hair. "This is my mother."

He saw a few bags in the kitchen. Suitcases and a lot of them. He also noticed the house looked cleaned up, a LOT. Something was going on here.

"I'll leave you two to talk but please... Keep it at talking." Jenny's mother said a smile on her face as she winked and walked out.

"Jen-"

"Save it." she said cutting him off. "I'm living with my mother for a while Jethro. A few months."

"Why?"

"WHY?!" she shouted. "Because I was LIED to by my own family. And this Jethro? This is not a relationship. You sitting on the couch every night is not a commitment. That woman in there? That was Abigail. I almost ended her life. I'm done with us and with NCIS."

"Jen is living with your mother really going to help?"

"They need someone more helpful. The children Jethro! They need someone tidy and kept up."

"They?" he asked.

"Yes. There's two of them." she said calming down.

"Jenny. I want to help you. I want to be there when you give birth to them. I want to hold them. Why won't you accept that?" he asked.

She sighed, tears filling her eyes.

"I lost you once Jen. I'm not about to lose you again." he whispered to her, both of his hand on her stomach. "Let us help you. Stop running."

"Ok..." she said.

**A/N: So this chapter wasn't as good as the last one, I know but it was really hard to write. So please cut me some slack. The next chapter will have some new characters if you know what I mean. ;-). GIVE ME SOME NAMES AND GENDER IDEAS! Currently I'm thinking two girls, but I might do a boy and a girl. Most of my suggesters said girls so... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Thank you all for reading the story!**

**-Sasha**


	20. New Family

She was bigger now 9 months along. She had been eating more recently and had been letting Abigail help her. Abigail told her that she was a cop before she did therapy which is why she was so good at talking to people. The two women began to share a twisted up friendship. she would never have what Ziva has, but she was good to sit down and talk to especially about the rape.

Jethro got home early planning to order pizza or something and give Naomi the night off. Jenny's mother met him at the door. She had tidied up the house a lot decorating it in her own ways. She was definitely ready for grandchildren. The problem was her and Jethro didn't get along. She didn't believe he was sturdy enough to support Jenny and especially not the children.

Jenny got home that night and noticed the awkwardness of the situation. She understood why her mother doubted his responsibility. In her defense he had 4 wives before and all of them ended terribly. In his defense though he had been a wonderful father to Kelly. also in his defense he loved her and that's what would be most important ion the long run.

They ate pizza and discussed possible names for the children. Jenny didn't want to know what gender(s) they were. She wanted to be surprised. She was happy Naomi was eating with them. She was very lighthearted.

Eventually Jenny's mother went off to sleep. Naomi soon followed her. Jethro went and sat on the couch thinking about watching the news or some kind of TV. He hadn't had the time to relax in a while.

Jenny stood up and stretched. She suddenly felt a very weird feeling in her stomach, something she had never felt before. Immediately her breath caught and she was forced to sit down pain rushing all through her body.

"Jethro" she managed to cry out before one of them kicked and she screamed in pain. He jumped off the couch and rushed over to her. right away he pulled out his cell phone and called 9-11.

"Jen... lay down" he said softly.

She laid down and then jerked up screaming both hands on her stomach.

"It can't be now." She repeated over and over. "I'm not ready. Not now. I can't- AHH" she screamed again. Panic was kicking in, and panic was never a good thing.

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly.

* * *

_At the hospital..._

Jethro had managed to call everyone and they sat quietly in the waiting room. Ducky was telling Palmer one of his stories and Palmer listened attentively. Abby was talking to Kate and Tony where they cracked jokes and played cards. Jenny's mother sat with Naomi and they talked about Jenny and Jethro. Ziva silently paced around the room excited and nervous at the same time.

"Ok Jennifer it's time to start pushing." the nurse said. She had been very kind to them so far. They were hoping she was able to encourage Jenny enough. Pushing one kid out was going to be hard. Pushing two? Harder.

"Call me Jenny." she said breathing heavily.

"Okay Jenny. I'm going to count to three and you are going to push. Ready? One... Two... Three!"

Jenny pushed with all of her might Jethro by her side encouraging her the whole way.

"That was good." The nurse said. "A few more of those and it will be out in no time."

"Ready... PUSH" the nurse said. Jenny's head jerked forward pushing hard once again. She could feel the sweat all over her face as the nurse wiped 2% of it off with a cloth.

"Come on Jen." he encouraged. "You wan this kid or not?"

The nurse counted to three again and Jenny pushed this time screaming.

* * *

_Outside in the waiting room..._

It was getting much later, now two in the morning. They had been in there for hours. Slowly, one by one the team began to fall asleep. Starting with ducky and ending with Ziva. At the scream of Jennifer Shepard Ziva's eyes flew open and her hand moved to her gun. She stopped herself before she could alarm anyone. She also noticed her sudden movement woke Tony up who smiled at her reaction.

"Nice Ziva." he said the smile on his face growing. He could tell she was nervous, but he didn't know why. A woman giving birth was pretty scary, but it usually ended well.

Ziva glared at him and rolled over planning to go to sleep again. "We never got to talk about it." she heard him say. She rolled back over able to see him clearly. Unlike the rest of the team he was sitting up.

"I don't think there's anything to say. You kissed me. That's all that happened." she said simply sitting up as well. Knowing Tony there was no way she was going back to sleep.

"You kissed me back." he said softly.

"I think... we shouldn't try it. It could ruin our friendship and... if Gibbs finds out Tony. I don't wanna lose what I have with you." she stated. As soon as she did her heart cried out. All the years she had been waiting for this and when it came she was pushing it away.

Before Tony could respond Kate woke up her hair wildly everywhere. "Nice bed head" Tony remarked smirking and she glared at him.

Gibbs peaked out of the room. "Ziva" he said.

She stood up leaving Tony and Kate to talk about whatever._ What if he decides to go with Kate? _she thought to herself. But then her thoughts shifted to Jenny who was asleep on the hospital bed. She wasn't sweating anymore and had definitely been cleaned off by one of the nurses.

"I think Jenny would've wanted you to meet them first." he said honestly She had never seen Gibbs so emotional before even when she brought up Shannon and Kelly. He handed her a baby wrapped up in a little pink blanket. Ziva gasped at how beautiful she was having brown eyes and red-ish brown hair.

"What is her name?" Ziva asked cradling the baby in her arms.

"Melinda Ashley Shepard." he answered proudly. It was already as if they were his children. He peaked out of the room another moment. "DiNozzo." he said.

He handed inside the room a little nervous at what would happen.

He held up another baby in a pink blanket. "This is Lily Caitlin Shepard." he said. Lily looked a lot like Melinda but since they were fraternal they weren't exactly alike. Lily's hair was more brown and her eyes were more green. They were both beautiful little girls.

The team was so excited to meet the babies especially Abby who screamed and hugged everyone around the room. Eventually Gibbs and Jenny were alone.

"Jethro..." she said happily.

"Yeah Jen." he asked looking happily at the little girls.

"Would you... help me look for a family?" she asked.

He looked up at her, confusion written all over his face.

"What do ya mean?" he asked.

"I want you to help me find a family to adopt them." she said.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**FOR 3 REVIEWS! Hope I did good with the names! Let me know what you think of the whole chapter! 143!**

**-Sasha**


	21. Falling Down

The tears of a baby can be a precious thing. When a baby cries it takes its first deep breath. A baby's tears indicate your baby needs something done or it can tell you they are okay, safe in their bedroom. Although a baby cry can be annoying at 3 o' clock in the morning but it lets you know something needs you. You really mean something to this helpless creature.

It had been a week since the girls were born, 6 of those days they were at home. Soon they would be in a different house with a different mommy and daddy. Different people would get the chance to watch them grow up and become adults. And what if they got separated? Would their names be changed after they worked so hard to figure it out? What if the parents were drug attics or alcoholics? What if the parents sexually or physically abused them?

Jenny and he could both sleep through the crying baby but this time he couldn't. They were going to look for families tomorrow so this was his last night with them. He didn't know whether Jenny would put them in a foster home or not. He got up, careful not to wake her and went into the room set up for the babies. It was Melinda who was crying, Lily was fast asleep next to her.

Gibbs picked her up and cradled her in his arms. He remembered doing the same thing to Kelly, except then he was way less experienced then and Shannon would take over. He didn't protect Shannon and Kelly. He knew as a fact he could protect Jenny, but now his world for the children was crumbling down. After today, he wouldn't be able to protect them.

For some reason he thought of this like a fairy tale. Ziva was okay, the monster was dead, and Kate survived surgery. It would've been perfect if he could legally adopt the children. Watch them all grow up, say their first word, walk for the first time. Now he could never do this because the girls would be gone forever. As he put Melinda back to sleep he couldn't help but want them both, as a huge sadness took over him. He hated to be sad and usually he hid it well but this hit him harder than most things would.

* * *

_The next morning..._

Jenny woke up to the scent of warm coffee. She had woken up very late for her usual time. It was 9 o' clock. "Damn" she mumbled under her breath. She had wanted to get a fresh start on today, wake up early and be out of the house by eight. She was surprised, and partly disappointed that Jethro didn't wake her when he got up. Probably wanted to spend some time with the girls.

She went straight to their room knowing he'd be in there. He, and Abby were there holding one baby each. Abby looked like she was crying earlier her green eyes reddened and her eyelids puffy. She was holding Melinda while Jethro was holding Lily.

"Abby!" Jenny said in surprise. "Didn't expect to see you here" she laughed.

"Is it true?" Abby asked. "You're really gonna give them up?"

"Abby, this is going to be hard for you to understand but... I just can't. With my job, with Jethro's. It will be too much for them and for us. Another loving family will do so much for them." she attempted to explain. She honestly wanted what was best for them and knew this was the better way. She also knew Abby was one of the people who would be upset with her decision.

"But they need you! They are part of you! Don't you wanna see what they become when they grow up. Won't it hurt them more that their own mother gave them up for adoption? And what if they aren't adopted? What... what if they get stuck in some place with mean people... LIKE IN ANNIE OR DESPICABLE ME!?"

"Jen come on" Jethro nearly begged.

Jen shook her head biting her tongue at what she wanted them both to know. Abby began to cry again, rocking Melinda in her arms and mumbling things to her.

"What if they are abused?" Abby nearly yelled, tears starting to form in her eyes. She though of Melinda and Lily like her sisters. Her baby sisters were about to be dramatically and quickly stolen from her. She knows what it is like to wonder about your parents, her being adopted as well. The feeling that you were unwanted by the person who created you. And what if they were separated like her and Kyle were? She was missing a part of her, part of her youth that was taken. Could she watch as Jenny did the same to these precious babies?

"Jenny we wanna protect them." Jethro pleaded.

"You think I don't?" Jenny shouted as Melinda started to cry. "You think I want to hurt them?"

"I think you are only thinking about yourself and later in life you are going to regret it." Jethro said honestly. He wasn't one to hold his tongue but he should've, because as soon as those words left his mouth he would do anything to suck them back in. Abby could feel the moment getting awkward, especially for her.

Jenny smiled in full hatred. "I was going to let you father these children Jethro. I let you into my life again and for what?! You can't stand it when you don't have full f*cking control over everything. You don't have control of me not anymore."

"Jen you weren't gonna let me father those children!" he argued back. He knew he had hurt her feelings and that this wouldn't end well.

"Dammit Jethro they look like him! How can I ever love my own daughters if they remind me of the bastard that raped me over and over and over again!?" she screamed. Melinda woke up and started to cry as well.

Jethro put Lily down and got up. He walked right over to Jenny who he could tell was breaking down in front of them all, her heart crashing down.

"I don't want you anywhere near me right now." she said backing away tears running down her eyes. But he didn't give up that easily. He stepped closer to her.

She started hitting him in the chest and shoulder just out of plain anger. At him, at her, and at everything else in the world. She hated everything the way it was. She just took it out on him, and he let her.

He slowly took her in a hug which she stopped hitting him and started to cry in his arms. She wanted the girls just as much as he and Abby did but what she had said was true. They both resembled him, and no way could she love them or recover like that. Secretly she wished they were Jethro's children and she stayed with him in Paris. She would have never been targeted, never been raped, and never been so broken down. She wanted to start all over again, safe her father from The Frog, marry Jethro, start a family. Now it was too late, her life was a disaster and all she could to is cry and second guess herself.

But she was sure of it. They had to say goodbye to the girls. Maybe she could find someone to take them so she knew they were safe, but if not they would go into adoption like she had said.

**A/N: So this was a little bit of a different chapter!The next chapter will be an interesting one, meeting some families and finding the best one of all! Don't leave me yet if you are upset about the adoption cuz it will get better. I am glad you guys like the names, it was hard to work with what everyone wanted but I tried! Only 2 reviews for the next one! 143! **

**-Sasha**


	22. If It Was To Be Perfect

It's amazing how just one person can change your entire life. Whether it be for the better or for the worse this one person is forever part of who you are and part of your past. So when someone you love has to become your past can you just watch it happen? Do you understand that this is the way it was wanted? Or would you fight until you knew there was no other way? Leroy Jethro Gibbs would fight like he had fought for everything else he had. But now Jenny was like an enemy and he knew he could hurt her during the process.

Jenny got up rather early, about 6:30, and fed the babies. She fed them with bottled milk since she still didn't want any kind of contact with her breasts. It was still just too much for her to think about. It might have been nine months but every touch made her think about it. Even looking at the babies she saw him, his sick smile and gleaming eyes. She understood where Jethro was coming from, he wanted to protect them; to make up for what he thought was failed protection with Kelly. And he wanted to protect her to make up for Shannon.

Jenny had been avoiding him lately so when he woke up he was a little upset she had woken up before him. She had time to think, while he would go into the battle unprepared. He knew her side but he couldn't GET it. And knowing that made it hurt a lot more than he ever expected. But this time he had a plan. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had a way to keep them as his, without Jenny knowing at least for a little while.

He walked into the kitchen and got himself a cup of coffee. Once he got that he went into the living room where Jenny was sitting on her couch. He sat down on the other end silently, sipping his coffee. She on the other hand had bourbon a drink she had not had in quite some time.

"I'm tired of this being awkward Jethro" she said sighing a little at the end. He sighed too knowing this battle would come but hoping it would not come this soon.

"Fights." he said before sipping the coffee.

"Yeah what about them?" she asked.

"I don't like them." he said honestly. She could tell he was not going to be easy to talk to right now, but she had to do it.

"Me neither" she admitted quietly. "Jethro.." she said standing up. She wanted to look into his eyes when she told him what was on her stood up next to her feeling like he needed to be on top of things.

"I've put you through hell with all this and... I left you in Paris without an explanation."

"Jen-"

"All you want now is the children. So I'm not guaranteeing anything but... maybe with therapy we could give it a shot." she said.

He looked down at her and all he wanted to do was make her feel better. Make her strong again and make her independent. All he wanted to do was kiss her. Her green eyes matched with his, but there was water in hers.

"Jenny.. you don't have to do this if... it hurts you."

"I wanna try."

Then he bent a little bit forward, and put his hands on her hips.

"Jethro" she warned scared of what he was going to do. God, she wanted to kiss him though! She had remembered what it had been like in Paris how every kiss was perfect. Why had she left? But in Paris every kiss led straight to the bedroom. She knew Jethro had control but what if he forgot? Or what if he did something that wasn't too bad that triggered a memory? For example, when he kissed her what if it made her go back?

He pulled her a little bit closer to him, putting his one hand on her back and one on her cheek. He wanted her to let loose so he could kiss her. It was a challenge for them both because neither of them wanted to make this worse than what it was. But without the chance how was it supposed to get any better?

"Jen... you control from here" he said lightly against her. She nodded but couldn't help the feeling that she wanted him to control everything, push her to her limits.

Looking up into his eyes her lips met his. It didn't feel wrong at all. Surprised by the feeling she pulled away and he did immediately worried he had done something wrong.

"Talk to me Jen." he said.

But instead of talking she pulled his lips onto hers again loving the feeling and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck.

* * *

"What do you think about Gibbs and Jenny?" Tony asked to his team fiddling with a rubber band in his hand. He had a whole pack of them on his desk. Ziva was busily writing a report on what she saw and did to the John Doe that raped Jenny. She had been the one to kill him, so her report would be most needed to whoever wanted them.

McGee was doing something on his computer, probably playing some online game. Kate however, was not busy and actually looked a little bored. Maybe he could get her to put up with one of his immature conversations for once.

"Kate?" he asked.

She sighed. "I don't know DiNozzo. Why don't you ask them yourself?" she said sarcastically.

"You still think they are 'just friends'" Tony said a huge smile on his face. Kate smiled a little too. She had wanted to be part of the gossip now that she was back and healthy. When she had been rushed to the hospital all she wanted to do was relive one day let loose and relaxed. Especially around Tony since it was easy to be loose around him. He was like a big brother to her.

"Depends on how far 'just friends' can go." she said naughtily.

"What do ya' mean?" Tony said.

"Friends can kiss, hug, hold hands, have sex... they could be 'just friends' forever." she said a smile on her face. Her and Abby had been the ones to tell her friends can have sex so there was no way he could deny it now."

"You think they had sex?" he said.

"Eww I didn't say that. I don't even want to think about that." she said.

"We're all adults here Kate-"

"Not all of us act like adults" McGee cut in. Tony flung the rubber band at him and it hit him in the face. McGee frowned and Tony smiled, then turned back to Kate.

"If you think they had sex just say so" he finished.

Ziva got up and walked over to Tony. "Tony enough about Gibbs and Jenny okay?" she said.

"Sure" he said smiling but her serious face made his smile fade. She went and sat down at her desk.

_Weird _Tony thought to himself.

* * *

Gibbs woke up to his phone ringing, it was 5 in the morning. "Yeah Gibbs" he said tiredly.

"Did I wake you boss?" Tony asked. Silence. "Sorry bo-"

"What did you wake me for DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped.

"Boss you're not gonna like this..."

"WHAT DINOZZO?"

"The man that raped Jenny was a CIA agent. He worked with Trent Court."

"Name"

"Daniel Benoit."

"Damn." Gibbs mumbled.

"Jeanne Benoit's brother." **A/N: Sorry ya'll for the error!**

**A/N: I have some bad news for my Ziva fans out there. Cote De Pablo announced Tuesday she will not be returning for all of season 11. The episodes she are in are only to 'wrap up Ziva's story.' I am devastated by the news, and I know this just ruined your day but I thought you should know. Let's just hope they don't kill her off! I am so sad to hear this! :'(. **

**I loved writing this chapter especially the jibbs in it and the cliff hanger. It's going to get so much better now! You are going to LOVE it! Please please please review for this chapter! 3 required for the next one! Let me know what you want to happen next or in the future. Anything is welcomed! This is based on "Brave" by** **Sara Bareilles. 143!**

**- Sasha**


	23. Fighting The Wars

The CIA was everywhere and in everyone's business. Each NCIS team had a agent attached to them like a tattoo. Tony of course was cracking jokes the whole time and pissing every agent around off. Kate was tense and nervous, but trying to relax and hide it. Ziva was well alert and moving at every second as the agent eyed her carefully. McGee had a funny look on his face. One part of it was 'what the hell', the other 'oh my gosh'.

Jenny had to come into work today because Trent Court wanted to speak to the boss. This made one Leroy Jethro Gibbs very upset. He thought about talking to Court himself but then everyone would think he was covering for Jenny. In reality it was Ziva who was in trouble. She had been the one to put the bullet in his head. _I should've done it._ Gibbs thought to himself.

When Jenny walked into her office there were two men waiting for her. One was Trent Court a man she personally hated more than anybody except Renée Benoit and his sick dead son. The other man was not one she recognized. He was about 30 and professional looking. He had a suitcase, while Trent Court only had a simple file. What was in the file made her a wee bit nervous but she did a hell of a job covering it up.

"Two against one." She stated closing the door. "Isn't that a little unfair?"

"Would it be fair enough to give you a phone call Ms. Shepard?" the young man asked.

Jenny smiled. "I don't need your permission for a phone call."

"Well you might wanna call your lawyer then." the man said.

She rolled her eyes at the man who was proud of annoying her. "You came into my office without warning and now you tell me I need a lawyer?" She shook her head. "I don't need a lawyer if I keep my mouth shut do I?"

"You almost killed Renée Benoit 3 years back didn't you? Until that is Trent Court called you and stopped you."

"Wrong case. And unless you are going to press charges with that and I get my lawyer for 24 hours in privacy, then I don't feel we have anything to discuss." she smiled at the man's surprised face.

"Surprised I know the law?" she said smartly.

"Ms. Shepard.." he started.

"Director Shepard." she corrected.

He glared at her. "DIRECTOR Shepard we believe you were involved with the death of his son. Any relation to him is important to my investigation."

"I don't remember any charges being filed gentlemen and until that time I want you out of my office and your men out of my building."

"We are charging Officer Ziva David with murder, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Anthony DiNozzo, Timothy McGee, Donald Mallard, and Abigail Scuito will go down as well." the man said.

"Ziva David is one of my agents. I fight for my agents. So that evidence better be pretty damn good. Now is time I speak with Ziva alone, and she has time to speak with a lawyer. Since you aren't pressing any REAL charges against the rest of my agents ALL of your men need to go."

"A CIA agent is dead Ms.- Director Shepard and you are acting as though this is a normal investigation." the man asked a certain anger heating to his voice. If that anger continued they all knew he would go off like a volcano.

"I was kidnapped and raped by this so loyal CIA agent and you're treating me like a murderer."

"This isn't going to end well for you." Trent Court said walking out with his probie. Where had she heard that one before.

* * *

Jenny had been home for about an hour, cleaning and cooking. She rocked Melinda and Lily to sleep kissing them each goodnight. She found they were easier to love when she focused more on the fact that they were half her, rather than half him. And tonight she was going to do what she had wanted to do for a while, before anything could go wrong.

Jethro had to stay late today clearing Ziva's name. She knew he could do more than she could since she could only use her mouth. Ziva was a friend of hers and perhaps she should've stayed but Jethro insisted for her to check on the babies. She could tell they meant everything to him so gave him a quick kiss and left.

The knock on the door excited her and she went to it. Things were so much easier with him at home, and she wanted to make progress with their relationship. Kissing him had been a huge jump from nothing, and she was ready to go forward. She was also excited to hear about his progress on Ziva and where they stand. She knew she could protect Ziva but could she protect all of them?

When she opened the door her smile faded into a frown. There in front of her was a woman she thought she had left behind long ago. Jeanne Benoit.

"Ms. Benoit. It's a surprise to see you. what are you doing here?" Jenny asked.

"My brother is dead." she mumbled under her breath. "He... he wasn't the one who raped you. He would never do that. And he didn't kidnap Officer David like she says. He was a good man... and a damn good brother."

Jenny looked down sadly at the woman. She had felt a lot more emotion since she had Melinda and Lily. But she had no emotion when she heard he was dead, much less when she shot him in his area. But now she was realizing the horror she had caused Jeanne Benoit. She had broken her heart with Tony, then she had killed her father. Now she was the reason for her brother's death.

"I am sorry for your loss." Jenny said lost of any other words.

"I won't let you do this you know." Jeanne whispered. "Make my brother look like a RAPIST. An ABUSER. Even if he did do it. He did so much to get on the good guy team. Then he was killed by them. YOU did this to me. You made my life a living HELL because yours isn't good enough. You ruined my life. My family. Everything I had now is gone."

She took a gun out of her purse and aimed it at Jenny's chest before anything else was said. Jenny remained as calm as she could knowing any move could startle the woman causing the gun to go off right when things were starting to go right.

"I heard you have kids" Jeanne said.

Jenny closed the door behind her stepping out. "Don't hurt them Jeanne. They're innocent people. If there's one person to blame for your misery it's me. They are part of your brother too."

"I was innocent once too ya' know? That didn't stop you did it? They have nothing to do with my brother because he didn't do this to you!" she screamed. The gun trembled in her hands. "Move"

"No" Jenny stated. She wanted to close her eyes and feel nothing before her life was taken from her like she had taken Jeanne's. If anything she wished she could go back and change it all. She knew this bullet would be the one to end her and she knew how devastated Jethro would be. _Like loosing Shannon all over again._ she thought to herself. She would put him through hell all over again.

"Jeanne." they heard a familiar voice behind them.

How? How could it be possible she was going to be saved again? Saved from her own mistakes by someone who did nothing wrong. How many chances was she going to get before it was game over? How many people would be able to say they saved Jenny Shepard? And how could she be protected by the people she was supposed to protect?

But before any of her questions could be answered she heard a gun go off.

* * *

**_Tony's point of view_**

He had been told to stay with Ziva in case the CIA decided to play some sort of game where her life would be on the line. Ziva wanted to go to see Jenny and tell her what she thought they should do. Ziva wanted to protect Jenny as much as Jenny wanted to protect Ziva. But he had insisted he should go first. He felt for some reason it would be dangerous.

"Move" he heard Jeanne say.

"No" he heard Jenny say stubbornly. He came out from behind the side of the house to see Jeanne pointing a gun at Jenny's chest. "Jeanne" he said having her turn around and face the gun in his direction. He closed his eyes as he saw her fingers tighten around the trigger, and he heard the shot fired.

_I'm dead _he thought to himself. _No, I'm not _he thought peaking one eye opened to see Jenny's lifeless body fall on the ground and Jeanne fire her bullet against her own chest.

**So... Just got back from vacation! YAY! Anyway I heard there was a petition to keep Cote on NCIS! Sign it Ziva fans! CBS MUST KNOW THEY NEED TO PAY HER MORE! SHE DESERVES IT! **

**Anyway this is the end of the story. **

**LOL KIDDING! This is based on "Demons" by Imagine Dragons.**

**No reviews required for this chapter, my treat.**

**-Sasha**


	24. A Bullet Wound

"What do we got here?" A doctor spoke over Jenny.

"NCIS director Jennifer Shepard, gunshot wound to her chest, age unknown, shot with a 38, went through and through." One of the nurses said loudly over every else who was working. She kept talking but as they got farther Tony found it harder to hear. Although everything the nurse was saying had been what he had said to her. So nothing she said was on his mind right now. Only three things were on his mind.

1. Jeanne

2. Melinda and Lily

3. Gibbs

He could not believe about 3 years ago Jeanne Benoit was in his arms smiling as they watched a movie. He could remember every conversation, every kiss, and every date they'd ever had. _It's my fault_ he thought to himself. _I shouldn't have made her love me, and I shouldn't have loved_ _her. Maybe then she wouldn't have done this._

Ziva was next to him staring in his direction. She knew how guilty he felt about all of this. She felt guilty herself, not going in herself. Because she knew he hesitated or that he would hesitate before he pulled the trigger, where she would've killed Jeanne emotionless because the only feeling for her was full jealousy.

"I'm here if you wanna talk" Ziva said softly trying to look him in the eyes but he avoided her glance.

He shook his head and looked as though he was going to cry. He had seen his NCIS mother shot in the chest, and then the love of his life shot in the chest. But he still wanted to play strong for everyone around him, including Ziva who was in one hell of a situation herself.

"I loved her" he mumbled nearly breaking down at every word he managed to choke out.

Ziva got up and sat next to him, very close. "I know... I could see it in your eyes when you... talked about her." Ziva said softly. "When I was kidnapped I felt like it was too soon, you know? So many things I wanted to say. At least she got the chance to... really love someone."

"She wasn't breathing Zi" he hardly said.

Ziva could feel herself tearing up. "Tony, what you've done with everything in your life I wish I had done. You manage to keep a happy face in times of pain. My mother once told me that it was okay to cry every once in a while. What you just saw happen. What I'm trying to say is... it's okay to cry. Especially here and now when it's all hitting in."

She wrapped her arms around him in which at first he pulled away but she held him firmly. Eventually her attempt work and she could feel him weaken in her arms. She could feel him breaking every inch of his heart. In fact, she began to cry a little herself and although she felt weak, it seemed okay when she was in his arms and he was in hers.

Eventually he pulled away, his eyes red from the tears. "Should we call Gibbs?" he asked. Hearing Jeanne broke and seeing herself and Tony break she wanted to say no. She wanted Gibbs to stay as strong as he possibly could. On the other hand she knew if they didn't call Gibbs he would somehow find out and hate them for a long time.

"Yes" Ziva said at last. "McGee, Abby, Kate, and Ducky too."

Tony nodded and started making phone calls as Ziva went into the bathroom to wash off any signs of crying as she had done many times before. She put on some make-up and quickly headed back to Tony. She desperately wanted to tell him she loved him, but knew now was not the time.

* * *

Gibbs went back and forth with Trent Court fighting him to the death and then fighting again. Court couldn't get through his thick head that his agent had raped the director of NCIS, and kidnapped another agent. Thankful that his phone rang Gibbs got up and answered it.

"Never been happier to hear your voice DiNozzo." Gibbs said sighing into the phone.

Of all times Gibbs was happy to get a call from him he had to be delivering this news. Great. Just great.

As Tony explained Gibbs left Trent Court in confusion as he ran out of the room not grabbing a thing. Trent Court casually stood up and left, knowing with his resources he would know what happened in a matter of hours. And if it was as bad as Gibbs made it out to be, then he might be able to pull Ziva down while everyone was distracted.

Before anyone else got to the hospital the doctor came out. This can usually mean either they did all they could and it wasn't enough, or the wound wasn't as bad as they both thought it was.

"She's fine." the doctor said calming both of them.

"Luckily the bullet wasn't anywhere near her heart or any important organs. She should be awake by tomorrow."

* * *

"What the hell happened DiNozzo?" he yelled through the hospital. Who shot Jenny? Why was DiNozzo there? And when he saw Tony's red eyes he knew something had gone on, which scared him even more.

"She fine boss bullet to the chest." Tony said

"She'll be awake by tomorrow" Ziva added.

"What happened."

"I wanted to go see Jenny, to explain to her what our plan was and what we needed her to do." Ziva said, her most serious face put in action as her lips remained small on her lips, and her expression remained cold and empty. "Tony insisted he went in and brought her out in case we were being watched or followed. I heard a gunshot and went inside." she finished.

"Who?" Gibbs asked sitting down. He felt unsteady in his legs, which had only happened once before. When he had lost Shannon and Kelly.

"Jeanne Benoit." Ziva replied.

"Is she alive?"

"Yes" Tony barely said, mumbling it lower than he would a secret.

"You shot her DiNozzo?"

"She shot herself boss." Tony said a little louder.

At that moment Abby rushed into the room with Ducky and everyone sat down. Gibbs knew Trent was finding out about Jenny and that he didn't care. He also knew he would still try to bring ziva down, especially with Jenny down and the whole team distracted. However right now all Gibbs cared about were his girls. He called kate and asked her to pick up Melinda and Lily, wondering who else was targeting them, and how far anyone would go to have them dead.

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait and thank you for the excellent reviews, especially since it wasn't required! I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Anyway this isn't my favorite chapter, but it leads up to a big chapter that I think is going to be great. My longest chapter is coming up you guys! 3 reviews for the next one. Thank you!**** 143!  
**

**- Sasha**


End file.
